Monday, October 15, 2012

Can't Do It All Myself...

Mondays are horrible here. 

Just horrible, I tell ya. 

Ugh...just thinking about yesterday exhausts me...that's how bad Mondays stink. 

Here's the schedule...

Take Cal to preschool
Come back home for homeschool
Pack Emma's lunch, pack her swimming bag, throw her in car
Pick Cal up from Preschool
Rush across town to Homeschool Gym while Emma eats her lunch in the car
Drop Emma off
Take Cal home
Make a super quick lunch
Rush Cal to Speech Therapy
Come home for Cal's nap
Usually I have to wake Cal up to go pick up Emma
Pick up Emma and come home
20 minutes later we leave for Emma's gymnastics
Drop Emma off at Gymnastics
Go to the bank to do the Girl Scout banking
Go home to start dinner
Go pick up Emma from gymnastics
Come home and meet my parents there
Feed childen, leave them with my parents and leave for grocery shopping

Whew!  It's a busy day indeed!

Last Monday after we got the children to bed I basically collapsed on the couch with Nick as I sobbed about what a failure I am at all of this. 

As a mother. 
As a wife.
As a homemaker.
As a teacher. 
As a Christian. 

Perhaps it's that perfectionism that always seems to creep up, or perhaps it's something else, but I cannot seem to see what I've accomplished, rather I only see what has not been done...

the dishes that are still on the dining room table from the night before (yikes!)
I am a day behind in my laundry schedule. 
I didn't fill the workboxes for school the night before.
I am way behind in ebaying.
I haven't showered in two days (sad but true). 

Last week I didn't blog.  I thought about it a million times but somehow Monday threw me off track and the rest of the week snowballed out of control.  It's hard for me when that happens because as you can see I focus on what I am doing wrong and suddenly instead of one whole day going wrong, it is an entire blasted week. 

Eek. 

I read a mom blog this week that really convited my heart.  It talked about how I will never ever have the strength to do all of this on my own.  I just can't.  Some days I am doing the work of what feels like 5 moms. 

But Christ has the strength. 

And it penetrated my heart so much that I can't find the blog to save my life.  Pathetic, right?

I was directed to 1 peter this week.  As I was reading the last part, I felt like God was hugging me as I read 1 Peter 5....

1 Peter 5:6,7 (NIV)
 "6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Well duh.  I know this.  I mean, I KNOW this.  Really well.  So many times I have felt like I couldn't do it anymore.  And I've cried out to God to help me. 

I'd like to use a lifeline...

And of course the Lord helps me.  But for some reason I've forgotten to actually ask God for help.  I've complained to him.  I've ranted to him.  But I've never boldly approached the throne to ask for some of His strength. 

Again, you may now call me an idiot :)

And of course God continued to reassure me that He's got my back...

 1 Peter 5:10, 11 says...

"10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

Help is on it's way. 

And it really was.  Wednesday night I relied on God and was able to hack away at organizing the classroom into a useable area, I got school papers ready for the next day and was able to rock school Thursday and Friday.  I also managed to not forget any other obligations like I had been before. 

So hopefully this week will be awesome.  I'm going to rely on God and ask him for His strength to sustain and lead me. 

If you have more on your plate today, I encourage you to read 1 Peter 5 and to go before God and ask him for his strength and grace.  He's waiting to be asked and He is crazy in love with you!!!

Happy Monday!
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