Friday, August 31, 2012

We're working on it

As Nick and I get older and deeper into our marriage, one thing is also true: the children are getting older.  Meaning they have more activities, have to be at more places, study more things and just overall need more of our time. 

For some reason I thought that this would be backwards by now and we would be savoring more marital time together.  However that seems to be the opposite. 

This often time makes me upset. 
Grumpy. 
I feel like our marriage is failing.
We aren't putting enough work into it. 
We aren't trying hard enough. 
Our marriage is in the crapper.
We are failing. 

Nick it totally a "if we're sitting still, we are doing okay" kind of guy.  I am completely a "if we aren't moving forward, then we are sliding backward" kind of girl. 

These two do not mesh well together. 

At all. 

Today was undoubtedly a hard day for us.  We were blessed with an entire day of just the two of us.  True, we had errands to run, but we had plenty of time for fun together too.  We started the morning fighting.  Ugh. 

Do you ever have these days too?  It's nothing that Nick did.  It's nothing that I did (okay it probably was me!) But somehow we were just grating on our nerves.  I kept telling myself "stop, stop, stop.  Just stop fighting with him!" But somehow did not.  I was annoying and a jerk and a big meanie. 

Finally we had it all out, we talked and we got it out. 

I tell him I scared we're growing apart. We don't have time alone like we used to.  I hate that.  We're going to end up like old people who order meals and then read to themselves until the salads arrive. 

I don't want that. 

I won't stand for it. 

We stopped today to get a shaved ice.  We sat on a glider picnic table. 

Nick brought it up. 

I love you more than you know.  just because the kids are older doesn't change that.  we aren't going to fall apart because we won't let that happen.  we're going to be okay.  Okay?

He made it okay.  He calmed my fears. 

Because whether we are going out of town to work on it or going on our monthly grocery shopping trip together to work on it, we're going to work on it.  This isn't the fairy tale version of love.  This isn't mushy love.  This is the real love.  The love of two people for one another who aren't going to let the life stuff get in the way.  We're going to work on it. 
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