Yesterday was horrid.
I'm talking, at my Wit's end I caught myself threatening to take my son to an orphanage, awful. I told him they'd make him eat mashed potatoes and oatmeal...two of his most loathesome foods. And yes I know, I am a horrid mother and yes I know it is inexcusable. But when your autistic son shows so much promise one day and the next day is trying to hurt himself, the dog, and you the next, well, sometimes it just feels like too much.
Our computer screen is broken.
It flops over on a whim and at a table I have to hold it up with canning jars...it's a very fancy system.
Emma yesterday decided to be the worst student ever. Not reading instructions, forgetting how to add 1 plus 1, the works. Refusing to do her homework, lying. Ugh. The night ended with her and Nick screaming at each other, doors slamming, and her in bed crying.
This has been the month that we decided, let's get back from vacation and really hit our budget hard. Maybe not Dave Ramsey hard, but hard. Not buy anything extra, get lots paid down, cracking the whip hard.
Ugh. It all just feels like their own load of bricks and piled one on top of me, well, last night I snapped. Crying in a ball in the living room, not wanting to live to endure another day, snapped.
I only see things from my perspective, obviously, but in these situations I am imagining Nick next to me, wide eyed and staring at me thinking why did I marry Crazy woman, again? Anyone remind me???
But as I tried to console my daughter last night in bed I found myself speaking to her the words that I had been needing to hear...God's Mercys are new every morning. We'll have a fresh day tomorrow, with no mistakes and we'll try again. It's okay. We grow from our weaknesses when we give them to God to work with.
Crazy how God uses something coming out of my own mouth to my seven year old to speak to my own heart. And it is so true. God's fresh day was waiting for me this morning and as I've spoken before sometimes all it takes is a fresh perspective.
Yesterday I took Cal to therapy and was told that it was his last speech therapy session ever. Ever!!! Of course we are starting ABA therapy and all kinds of Autism nonsense which I am just sick over but after being told at a year he would probably never talk, we have come so far! I no longer have to use sign language as our primary way of communication and he says words on his own like "automatically" and "realization". He's doing so great!
Emma had a bad day but is otherwise doing so well. I am so thankful for such a good girl who is so stinkin' smart and loves learning. And as much as she complains about her "dopey" brother, she is the best big sister there ever was.
Money, Psh, I feel so silly complaining about my first world problems. We've never not had money to pay our bills. We eat like kings, we have fun, we save, and have extra money and I find myself eyeing Vuitton and Coach and wondering why I can't have more, more more.... but why would I? I took our financial sacrifice on willingly so we could have me home with the kiddos and sometimes it's so easy to lose sight of that. Aside from that I am so thankful for what I have. We love the Manor and all of it's uniqueness. I have a roomful of clothes and the children have bin upon bin of clothes that won't even fit in their closets...we are so richly blessed, friends. And sometimes it just takes a new day to be able to see that. To see how abundantly God has given to us.
So this morning, as I anxiously await the children waking up and am typing this, I hope you can turn the page to a new day if you are going through a hard situation, and find the joy God has blessed us with in your situation. It's always there, it's always evident but is sometimes blurred by our view.
Happy New Day, friends!