Nervous and scared.
Not really sure why.
Well I do.
Because school starts in two days! Two days! In two days our lives are going to be turned upside down while I smoosh emma's face into the floor with my shoe and try to cram as much paper into her ear as I can.
Okay, while that may not be quite how I get things into her brain, it does often times feel like that needs done. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Last year (for those of you just now tuning in) was my first year of homeschooling. Boy was I wet behind the ears! It was good in that we are all still alive. It was bad that I had to learn as I went how things were going to go. We all were kind of frustrated and irritable at times of the year. I lost my patience a lot. Emma refused to participate a lot.
We seemed to get better though and succeed towards the end of the year.
Every year is going to be a challange. A time of getting them back into the groove and ready to have some fun. Hopefully it will be oodles of fun and we'll learn so much and I will be super duper laid back.
But I know some times I won't be. Some times I won't be so nice. Some times Emma won't be so cooperative. And in those times I pray I can still be her light. Her light to point her to Christ. To be her hero. To be her best buddy. Because in the end, that's what I really want.
But when I look at this huge school year on our horizon I again feel nervous and scared. Nervous and scared that I'll make the same mistakes. That I'll fail. That I will be ashamed.
But that's why God gives us faith. Why He died on the cross. Because those sins of mine from last year. Those times when I didn't show love. They're gone.
Can't be found.
Blank canvas waiting for us to paint.
And so in two days I will pick up the paintbrush and paint us a new picture.
A picture of 2nd grade. Hopefully there will be no tears. No smears. Blameless in His sight. And if I mess up and tear a corner or a huge gash in the canvas, I can paint a cross and start again. It's because of Christ's cross I can even pick up a paintbrush and start anew.