Music and Munchies...there's nothing sweeter

 This morning Emma had a cough so I kept her in bed to take it easy.  I know it was just a little cough...she didn't have a fever or anything (well I guess she did have a touch of a stuffy nose) but to tell you the God's honest truth I am terrified of any of my children getting H1N1 and dying.  I know that sounds extreme but, show up with a little cough and I am putting you in bed.  Just be warned :)

 Anyway, I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon so cough or no cough, the kids had to go to their art classes.  Before we left though we stopped to have a little jam session...Emma on the electric guitar and Cal on the drums.  They got really hot and heavy into it when I went out to warm up the car. When I came back in you would have thought they were acoustically torturing something :)

 two, three, four...In case your noticing, yes I still have the price tag on our drums...don't judge  :)

 And Emma on the guitar..strumming away on the stand, silly girl.  She had to squeeze in next to all of the cookies we are selling for Girl Scouts :)

Anyway, as mentioned earlier I had a doctor's appointment.  It was my annual exam..."the lady one" as my husband says :)  I hate those appointments, don't you?  I have no earthly reason why but the week coming  up to it I am terrified for no apparent reason. I think I am always scared they are going to find breast cancer or ovarian cancer, or tell me I have a week to live.  Something awful like that.  But no lumps were found and no one said "ewww" when the sheet was lifted so I think up to this point I am in the clear :)

In honor of that I picked the little goofies up from art and then proceeded to snuggle up with a chocolate piece, a giant cup of coffee, and a teachers catalog.  A successful appointment calls for a little celebration right?  And besides they might call tomorrow with news of the death outcome so I'd guess I'd better enjoy things while I can, right?  :)

Seize the day, folks, seize the day!

Crushing Comparison

Comparison.  

It's one of the worst habits I have.  

Every day I seem to try to compare our lives to others around us.  

I try to homeschool like others I see...in blogs, in friends, in some imaginary perfect world my mind seems to create.  I try to keep house like books, commercials, and magazines suggest.  I try to be a wife as soap operas, movies, and reality television hints at being.  

I try to do these silly, foolish things because I compare my life to others.  I compare what I have and how I act to how they are and what they have. 

And suddenly within an instant of seeing what people make on pinterest, the perfect lives they display on facebook, the blogs that tout the amazingly patient homeschool mother, suddenly my life just doesn't seem good enough.  My abilities don't add up to what is required to be a good wife, mother, teacher. We don't have good enough things, I don't keep our house decorated as well as I should.  My husband's not romantic enough.  My children aren't well behaved enough.  

Comparison takes our joy. It takes our happiness.  It makes us miserable about a life that should make us happy down to our very core.  

We are after all so blessed beyond measure. Blessed with things and love God gives us that we don't in any way deserve.

By comparing my life to others I diminish God's ability to give me what is perfect for our situation.  In a way comparison is throwing back into God's face what he has given us.  Saying it's not good enough.  That what we have in mind surely must be better than what he came up with.  

And seriously, when put like that, how dumb does it sound?  

I decided to blog about this when I came across some articles on Pinterest titled things like "20 things to do to be happier each day"  or "4 things that will ruin your homeschooling".  I'm not linking to them because there is absolutely nothing wrong with those blogs and are written my wonderful women.  

But the bullet point each article contained that said something generic like "don't compare your life to others" left me wanting more of an explanation.  I mean, that I know.  I get it.  But the hard thing for me, the obstacle I struggle with is, "how do you stop comparing?"  How do you make your views and your life be good enough for you?  

To stop comparing, these are some things I have done:

*Take a Facebook break.  I think the time period you do this for, well, this kind of revolves around your habit of checking it.  Do you check it once a day?  Maybe go a week without it.  Check it every hour?  Even going a day without it could break your cycle of dependency on finding out what everyone else is doing.  Even sub-consciously you may be sizing yourself up to everyone else without even noticing.

*Make a gratitude journal.  I began doing this after reading One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp and it has so truly helped.  Writing simple and yet complex blessings God gives like "light slanting through autumn leaves outside kitchen window" gives me a profound new viewpoint which helps me to see the every day as a gift and to actively seek out and establish blessings for what they are.  

*View yourself in a better light.  I so often find fault in myself.  The other day a mom was talking to me while Emma was in ballet class.  She complimented me on how well behaved my children are.  I found myself, in looking back to be a humiliating way, talking about how it's because I have them on a schedule and then proceeding to tell her how it's so bad that their on a schedule and how they now depend too much on their schedules.  Rather than accept the compliment I had to distort and twist it until I made it into something bad that I do.  How weird is that?  So seek what you do, and what you do well.  Find things that you are good about and bask in them rather than try to find fault in yourself.  By doing that we can stop wanting to be like others.  

*I read a book recently that said something like "quit comparing your outtake reel to someone else's highlights video".  Do you get that?  I had this problem especially with Facebook.  I would look at someone else's photos of their perfectly dressed children from their most recent photo shoot and suddenly the last bit of confidence I had while sitting in my cruddy sweats on my discount couch in our dusty house, crumbles and I feel inadequate and poor and a failure as a mother.  All because I saw a photo.  People often times only show what they want you to see.  You don't see the bad, the ugly, the tired, the fights.  But so often you are shown their best while you're in your worst. Sound familiar?  By remembering that their best is not the only side of them can help you to stop comparison and to remember that they are broken people in a broken world too, just like you.  

I hope this list helps you.  I have gotten a lot better at comparing our life to the lives of others I see.  I've been able to say to myself "okay I may not be able to do that but there are lots of other things I am good at" and just leave it at that.  I hope today you can squash any comparison going on in your mind and you can store up the joy you have in your heart because of the life God has blessed you with.  

Happy weekend sweet friends! 

Happy Birthday/ Election Day

I hate when my Birthday falls on Election Day!  Grrr.  "Happy Birthday now back to the polls..."

But that's just my luck this year.  Today I turn 31 if you are just dying to know.  I don't feel bad about it at all.  God has given me so much and I feel so blessed to be a wife, mother, and homemaker.

I can't wait to live the rest of the life the Lord blesses me with.  God is so good.

I am one blessed lady.

This weekend we celebrates in Door County at the Cottage.  More on that some other time, I'm sure...

Sorry for the short post.  I'm off celebrating my Birthday... :)

Oh yes, and Election Day!

Sleep Deprived and Loving It

Yesterday was our second day of homeschool.  Already I am exhausted.  We schooled at Panera, picked up Cal, had a quick lunch, continued on with school, and then had some quiet time, which consisted of laundry and cooking and cleaning.  After quiet time was over we headed out to walk the dog, then came back home to get some more cleaning done and make dinner.  After dinner we took the kids to the nearby riverwalk to ride their bikes, and then it was home to put kiddos to bed.  Usually I am kind of happy after putting the kids to bed because that is when alone time with Nick starts. 

N to the No last night.  Last night I tucked the kids in feeling like I was just getting started.  As I had to get things put into workboxes for today, pack up our school bag to do school at therapy, rearrange the books on our new bookshelf (totally not necessary I was just trying to be psycho apparently), pay bills, clean the kitchen from dinner, and on and on and on....

I feel like I am buring my candle at both ends.  There's just no way that I can wake up at 4:00 in the morning and try to go to bed at midnight.  I don't think it's going to work. 

On top of that my adorable annoying husband loves to snore, so when I do go to bed about 50% of the time I cannot sleep at all.  Every morning after a night of no sleep because of his ridiculousness I am fed the same lie..."I'll go to the doctor and get some help."  But it has not happened.  Ugh. 

For the past four years I was up MULTIPLE times with Cal as he couldn't sleep.  We started him on medication that helped his sleep in June. 

In July Nick started to snore. 

Ah, pure bliss that month of sleep I got (read my dry horrid sarcasm here). 

So slowly but surely these guys in my life are trying to kill me.  Some type of old chinese torture technique I suppose.  Or nazi. 

That's what I get for marrying a man of German descent. Oh great. 

Cause of death? 

Lack of sleep.  Hahaha.  They'll dance on my grave.   It will be some type of Oktoberfest celebration, I'm sure. 

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes.  So two days into school and I am already exhausted.  My solutions have been to hire a cleaning lady.  Or to run away from home.  Maybe both.  Irony always gets the last word my friends. 

Sorry, this makes no sense.  I am tired.  And I think my shoes are tied too tight.  My brain is sending all of my blood to my feet in an effort for them to not be cauterized or something.  If I knew how to do spell check on this new computer I would spell check cauterize.  But I don't.  And my blood is in my feet. 

So now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go teach my children.  I'm sure you're glad that I am in charge of their education right about now, right? 

 

Well here I am.  What weird days these have been. 

Yesterday I was doing some work on the computer during naptime and went downstairs to check on the children.  I figured I would finish up my work last night but never made it back to the computer. 

After I checked on the children I felt kind of tired so I laid down on the couch and took a short nap.  When I awoke I felt suddenly miserable...chills, achey and my head felt like a rock...I couldn't even lift it up.  I was dizzy and weird. 

When Nick called to say he was on his way home I could barely get the phone.  I have such an amazing husband.  He told me to not worry about getting dinner around...just to stay on the couch and he would take care of everything. 

I have such an amazing husband.  I am so blessed.  When he came home he got me into bed and then made the children dinner and played with them all night.  I was sleeping but apparently he sent the children upstairs to get their pajamas on...that's when Cal thought it a good idea to try to climb his dresser.  

It fell over on him...not good. 

Thank the Lord he is okay.  He has a little bruise but other than that it is okay.  Which is amazing as Nick said that the whole dresser was on him and his leg was pinned in a drawer. 

About 1:45 in the morning I woke up and felt so much better.  I woke up Nick who confirmed that yes I didn't feel like I was going to catch anything on fire anymore...praise the Lord my fever had broken! 

I woke up and felt better (not 100% but maybe about 57%?), got Cal to bed and Emma and I got back on the couch to watch some Kit Kitteredge.  Did I mention Emma?  Last night she started saying her head was feeling "swimmy"...she had a little bit of a fever but not too bad.  When I checked on her last night in her sleep I knew she felt bad because she looked horrible! 

This morning she couldn't get her head off the pillow it was so "swimmy" as she put it! 

I've given her some Motrin and now she's starting to feel better.  We are both on the upswing but decided that movies are the way to feel better. 

Nick's Mom picked up Cal from preschool so we could rest and he will be spending the afternoon over there...I'm hoping that that will give us a chance to recoop and it will help keep him away from us sickies. 

So there are our days.  I hope to be feeling better tomorrow so I can get back on my feet and get things in this house around...it is very apparent that Daddy's were not meant to run households!

Our Humble Home

http://mypaintinggallery.wordpress.com/2010/04/23/thomas-paintings/kinkade/

"Thank God, O women, for the quietude of your home, and that you are queen it it.
Men come at eventide to the home; but all day long you are there, beautifying it, sanctifying it, adorning it, blessing it.
Better be there than wear a queen's coronet. Better be there than carry the purse of a princess.
It may be a very humble home.
There may be no carpet on the floor. There may be no pictures on the wall.
There may be no silks in the wardrobe; but, by your faith in God, and your cheerful demeanor, you may garniture that place with more splendor than the upholsterer's hand ever kindled." 

--Reverend T. DeWitt Talmage, D.D

I love this little snippet of inspiration that was spoken by Reverend Talmage (1832-1902).  Last week and the week before I was feeling a little blue.  I wouldn't say it was a full-blown depression, but I just was feeling mopey and uninterested in anything for no good reason.  Does anyone else ever feel this way?  Ugh, sometimes there's just no good reason for it.

I'm so glad that I have a loving Heavenly Father who makes sure to snap me out of it before it spirals out of control.  And I have a husband who is on me to talk about it and do whatever it takes to feel like myself again. 

So I talked to Nick about it.  A lot.  I remember him telling me that I am the little heart of this family.  Isn't that just the most precious thing???  He went on to explain himself: that when I am sad and mopey that is the general feel of the whole house.  Everyone waits to see how I am reacting.  Our home's warmth and feeling reflects my own.

And I guess that is somewhat true.  So when I read this quote above the other day, it really hit home. 

I desire a home that is quiet and peaceful, and no maybe we don't have the most stuff or the nicest things in the world but the job God gave me is to work with what I have to make our home welcoming, and inviting, and my family's safe haven. 

So my prayer is that in the coming months I may offer my family a place of warmth, and refuge, physically and spiritually.  This goal has brought me out of my slump, and when I think of it, I take the time and make the effort to stay up a little later than normal to get the kitchen completely clean, or wake up earlier than I prefer to fold laundry and tidy our little home. 

My prayer:
May all who enter our home leave feeling better than before.

God bless you and your home today...

A Little Bit of Everything

So here it is 11:30 at night and I am still awake. Errr. Nick has been working nights and lets just say it has been a little difficult. I absolutely cannot sleep when he is not around. He's my big strong protector, and my snuggler. I feel so lonely when he is not around. So here I am awake and probably will be through the wee hours of the night. This too shall pass, right?

Anyway a lot has been going on around here and since I am up and bored I thought I might share it with you:

Emma
Emma starts soccer next week and has about two more weeks of Gymnastics. She LOVES gymnastics (which is a hard word for me to spell for some reason!). She is thin and petite and can do things on her own that even the 4-year olds can't do yet. I think we might have found something that she is going to stick with and be really good at. Every time she gets ready to do something she belts out towards the teacher "I can do this on my own!" its pretty hilarious.

Emma's behavior is like a bi-polar teenager who is off their meds. I swear, its crazy sometimes. I have been trying to give her lots of love and extra attention. It seems to be working and she has calmed down. I don't know what it is but the smallest things can set her off. When she is not being "set off" she is so helpful with Calvin and just an all around sweetheart.

She also has such an imagination! During quiet time this afternoon her and Baby Grace built a machine that would fill baskets with fruit so they don't have to do it themselves...apparently she's been a sweat shop worker up to this point, so thank the Lord for that machine!

School wise Emma has knocked our socks off. She is basically one of the smartest kids in her class. She knows her address, can write her name, and knows all of her upper and lower case letters. She is also spelling words to us and telling us out of the blue things like "Elephant starts with E" which upon asking the teachers they have NOT been teaching, she is just picking this stuff up on her own! *proud Mommy here*

Calvin
Well I have gotten to the point where I am not crying everyday about Calvin's Apraxia. Praise the Lord He has helped me through that storm. It really was a storm of self pity and blaming myself. A lot of friends and reading have helped me to see that nothing I could have done could have prevented this and God gave us this challenge for a reason.

Calvin is so incredibly happy, when I am having a crappy day his smile really changes my mood. We've had two therapists both comment that he is going to get through this okay because he is happy. He really does seem to have the joy of the Lord!

Therapy wise I can barely keep anything straight! We've had two evaluations with Occupational Therapists (dealing with how he moves his body) and they both found problems that need addressed. So we are working on an at-home therapy program being set up. They are thinking that his disawareness of how his body moves (imagine your whole body feeling like it fell asleep) may be what is also causing some of the apraxia. So we will see if speech improves as his physical movement improves. He also has been really, really hurting me. Just me for some reason. He especially likes to bite me and try to strangle me (yes I did say he has the joy of the Lord). The occupational therapist said he has a problem with knowing how hard he is doing things so he probably isn't even trying to kill me. :) Speech wise we still aren't getting there. We only have our therapist until he's 3 and then we are left to pay out of pocket $300.00/hour. We are starting a more aggressive approach (meaning we are paying out the ear for therapy tools to use) so hopefully that will work. Please keep us in your prayers as we monetarily do whatever is necessary to get this kid to talk). We are also facing the option that if he doesn't talk it is going to be best to homeschool him. I just don't feel ready or capable to do that but I know if that is what God wants us to do I will do it.

Calvin has learned his colors! And almost has opposites down. He's got in and out, up and down. He is really improving on his signs. He is TRYING to say things but if you babysat him you would have no idea what he is saying Aaagaaa is Lightyear for example.

Calvin is starting to potty train. Lately he has been telling me all of the time he has to go potty just to shoot right back up and demand M&M's...his reward for telling me he has to go. Fail.

Calvin's eczema has been SUPER bad the last couple of weeks. A few nights ago I was up all night with him while he was trying to scrape his skin off. Hopefully with new medication we will be on the mend but it has been a rough patch...ha, get it!

Calvin is in swim lessons (remember the choking he likes to do? 10x worse when we hit water...he HATES water! However the last two weeks we have not been because the chlorine aggravates his skin.

Nick
Nick works. Eats. Sleeps. and then works some more. Poor guy. I can't tell you how grateful we are to that man that he is providing so well for us. Just the fact that I would be able to stay home with the children is something I never, NEVER would have considered as a possibility 6 months ago.

Lindsay
I am home with the kids and am not getting NEARLY as much done around the house as I had hoped. I just keep thinking of that saying about how housework can wait because babies grow up far too quickly...

I am hoping to start taking more pictures of what we have been up to in the everyday. If it doesn't get recorded anywhere else, at least it will be in this blog, right?

I am freelance writing which I thought would just be something I would do here and there but I have had three stories assigned to me and I have been out of work for a month! I feel truly blessed for what God has done.

Typing that I have been out of work for a month just brought around the reality that I have been out of work for only a month...holy cow, how did that happen? It feels like it has been six months...who says staying at home is easy? ;)

I am really trying to read my body and let God guide all of our decisions. I have such a desire for a marriage and a family that is solely dependent on God. I feel so blessed for a Christian husband who is helping me every day to teach our children about the Love of Christ.

So...what have you been up to?

The Real Me

Yep, this is me...LindsayAnn.

I'm a dork. Totally and unappreciated.

I am a constant worrier. If there is nothing to worry about I will make something up.

I've decided I do not like people who think they are better than me because they hit the gym more than me. All that means is you probably have some type of fungal problem on your hands.

I still wonder what in the world my husband sees in me.

I am striving to be joyful about everything and happy and fun...which in turn means I am no longer worrying.

I have the funniest children you've ever seen.

I love playing the Game of Life over and over and over and over

I will creep you on Facebook...just know it.

I make to-do lists of how to tackle my to-do list.

I love the Lord and am in complete awe, speechless, no words to make, about this fantastic life God has given me.

My one addiction...hazelnut coffee creamer.

Sushi is something I yanked my husband over into and I think he's loving it too. Banana Republic is what he got me hooked on...whose was more expensive?

Spring is for lovers...totally for us.

Enjoy Sunday...it is the LORDS DAY! :)

Drowning Fast

Why didn't someone shoot me when I thought I would be able to get so much done around the house being a Housewife? Today was definitely one for the records. It started with Emma getting into bed with me at 4 am, simultaneously waking up her brother. She then announced..."is there anything to do? I'm not tired at all." No! Go to bed!

This morning we had library school in which I arrived way too early. Errr. Then we met Bean and Mom for lunch and we were late. Then we went shopping and Cal discovered how exhilarating it is to punch me while I try to push the cart. Then we got home from shopping at 3 only to have 2 awake kids cry that I dare try to put them down for a nap.

Now we are having the screaming match that has become routine with Emma every night. She wants to be held, she doesn't want her mom to leave the room, etc. etc. So Nick has yelled, and spanked her, and I have done the same. Does anyone else have any advice? Am I a terrible mother that I am not coddling her? On one hand I think "well she's only 3" and then on the other hand I think "good grief, grow up, you're 3!" So I continue on with Mom guilt, bleary eyed from lack of sleep.

Our house looks like some type of intercity tornado stormed through. There is ham and bean soup cooked onto our stove and Nick is watching skating on tv. My head feels like it is going to explode with all of this! Errrr!

A Day

I am working until noon today and then I am going to have the day to myself! I am going to be going to the mall to return some shoes and do a little shoping for the children. After that I am going to go to Target to hopefully purchase an Easter dress and some yummy sushi for lunch. I will eat said lunch at home while I let the dog out to do her thing. After that I will be going to the outlet mall to try to find some shoes for myself, some cute Valentine's Boxers for the love of my life, and possibly some easter outfits for the children.

How can I do this you ask? Because I have the best in-laws in the world (mother and father that is...I don't know about the rest of you yet! j/k :) ) They are taking the kids today. Nick is picking them up after work and will eat dinner down there, thus meaning that I have a day to myself and I also do not have to make dinner. Woot, woot!

I am so super excited because quite frankly, I just need a day! I need time to myself. And if I am super productive I will come home from errands and shopping and have time to get cleaning done so I can enjoy the weekend with the children. Hooray!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and are relaxed and refreshed come Monday!

Thrilling Thursday!

Well we have made it to Thursday! Isn't God just amazing? Every day should be viewed as a gift.

This morning those little blessings of mine were awake at 4 am. I must admit that when it feels like the middle of the night and everyone is awake, it is very difficult for me to treat my little blessings, like, well, little blessings. But when I left for work they were still awake, and they were happy. Happy little ones is all a Mommy can ask for.

Nicholas is hard at work today too. I was thinking of that last night. A few months ago I would have given anything for him to be back to work, and then when he is I feel lonely and sad that he's not there. What in the world is wrong with me? Why am I always so discontent about everything? Take this weekend for an example. Nicholas has worked all weekend and of course I am busy making plans. He thinks he may have an opportunity to work overtime this weekend which he must do to provide for us (that is our plan at least!). No sooner do I hear this then I am upset and sad that we can't do the things we were talking about. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

So here is what I am doing. I am going to change. I know, shocking, right?

I am going to be joyful and happy in all things! That is something I want my children to pick up and those are traits I want them to carry with them all through life. Plus the Bible tells us to be joyful! How can I talk about how God has so richly blessed us and how AWESOME He is if I am down in the dumps about everything?

1 Thessalonians 5:15-17 tells us:

"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.
Be joyful always; pray continually;"

And so this will be my new life. How can I be grumpy or mad or sad if I am making it a point to be happy and joyful?

Will you jump on the joyful train with me? Will you make that promise to always try to find the good in every situation? To be happy when your old self probably wouldn't have been?

2010

The first Monday of the year. These past three days have simply been tied into the holiday season and to me this is it...the first day of the new year. Things have started pretty much as planned. I awoke at 4 am to work out and was extremely proud of myself. I also woke up at approximately 1:58 to pee and then had an Emma talking in her sleep to contend with. But I woke up for sure at 4, worked out and made breakfast for myself. A healthy peek-a-boo egg which would have been healthy had I not burned every nutrient out of it possible. But I ate it anyway despite the health risks involved. I ate it on this lovely plate I have which is a set of 4 and each has a Victorian home on it. Ah, how I love those. And of course my coffee cup which is embarrassing that it is a promotional product for the area airport that Nicholas received at his former job. But I digree and now sit happily here wasting time away in the wee hours of the morning, with a full tummy and ears full of Emma apparently still talking in her sleep.

This past weekend was one of the best ones in my life. You see Nicholas had promised me a vacation when he became reemployed. Super exciting. However going from spending virtually nothing to hundreds of dollars on a vacation for just him and I seemed somewhat of a culture shock to me. So I suggested a staycation. Nick's mom took the kids and had them overnight. This was also the first time they have ever stayed over anywhere without us so we figured it was a good time to do it since we were in town if needed. Anyway, Friday we dropped the children off and then did shopping. We didn't go crazy or anything but my how good it felt to purchase something I liked. Wow. Some good deals I found were that we used a coupon at Old Navy and managed to get Nick two shirts, and for me a sweater and a sleep mask and we paid $3.58. Not bad. I also got a silver serving platter for a steal and a 3-pack of curling irons for $8.00....oh how we scored!

We went to Olive Garden for lunch which was the best meal I've had in a long time. Had a wine there, a Moscato, that I now heart and want to bathe in. But they don't sell it along here so alas, I guess I won't. :( At night we did some more shopping and then went to a cute renovated theater and saw "It's Complicated" in which I threatened Nick with death if he ever cheated on me after 20 years. I think I said something like "I know people throw around I would kill you, but seriously if you did that...I WOULD KILL YOU. I mean you'd better run." heehee. Then we got to do something we have not done since 2005. We slept in our house...alone...and we slept past 7:30. Wow. I had completely forgotten what it feels like to be rested. Geesh how spoiled am I now?

That morning we went back out for breakfast at Panera. Nick tried a souffle and LOVED it so I now have the green light to make those. Score! Super and unabashedly excited about that. Then we did some more shopping and just had a lovely time. Nick took me home and went to get the children. I cleaned to the sound of Pop's greatest hits and let me tell you I has THE best time cleaning. The children came home to a super clean home and a happy and rested Mommy.

That night we dined on Chinese food which the kids love! We rented Julie and Julia for when the children were asleep and we opened our last bottle of wine from our vacation last year. We were saving it for a special occassion. So opening it made it real that we are now employed again and everything seems right in the world. Besides I think being blissfully in love and better than before after this crisis we had been in...I think that is a cause for celebration in its own right, don't you?

Oh and I forgot...Saturday night we took the children to play in the snow. Oh how they loved it and how much fun we had being silly. I am so lucky to have these silly and wonderful children in my life. God has blessed me so far past my expectations.

So here's to a 2010 that is going to be amazing. I know because I serve a God who is, well...AMAZING!

Me

Some of you who read this know me like an old book (or is it shoe)? Anyway, some of you don't really know a lot about me, or perhaps you are just DYING to know more! So here's a little info on the girl you want to know:

I drink either a hot cocoa or a chai tea almost every night.

Cocoa must be made with TONS of marshmallows

Ina Garten is my current hero

I often times think I am the worst mother ever

I have no idea what my purpose in life is

I Heart Chunky Peanut Butter...Nick likes creamy so guess what I eat?

I secretly want a volvo wagon to complete the whole soccer mom look

Squirrels have always scared me...and now Racoons are topping that list! AHHHH!

I have a hard time transitioning and I hate Change

I only like thick crust pizza

I often time crave Diet Coke with a TON of ice

Eel is my favorite sushi...to which I have made Nick like...payback for the peanut butter I guess

Okay that's it for now...now you can write YOUR random things about you!

Crazy Week

I am sorry I have been somewhat aloof lately. This has been the hardest week on me emotionally and physically. In case you didn't know, Calvin is having a hard time talking. I've been up nights tirelessly researching what could be wrong, what I need to do. Nick's been living up to his title of "World's Best Daddy" by looking up how we sign certain things to him. I have also been up nights tirelessly crying, feeling guilty that I somehow caused this, and wondering if I would ever hear that sweet boy tell me he loves me. I know that's selfish but I want to hear it. I want to know that he feels loved and is as happy as his smile indicates.
Monday we (calvin and I) had a 2 1/2 hour appointment with a speech therapist who told me she thinks there is hope. It was like having an angel in my presence: Calvin loved her, she made me feel okay and that I am not a screw up for a mother. We begin intensive therapy when we get back from vacation. I am just so excited to see what can be done with my little man. He also needs his tongue clipped and I think Emma does too so we are going in next week to cross that hurdle.
Nick has a kidney stone...its the size of a marble. So he went in to surgery yesterday to have it pulverized. No matter how minor the surgery is I think when the love of your life goes under its pretty nerve wracking...don't you think? I had to also prepare myself for the worst: he could be bedridden for days and need me to do everything (more than I already do do everything, ha!). So far he's been a little nauseous but we're pulling through. I think this weekend will prove my strength if I don't have him around to help.
Next week we leave for vacation. My guest bed is covered with luggage. My guest room wall is covered with about 15 checklists (1 per bag). As you can see, I am in charge of packing. Please if you know where the Burt's Bees bug repellent has run to in our house I am all ears. Errrr. So I will persevere with that task this weekend...oh how fun.
So I think that's been my week in a nutshell. On top of the laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping, deluttering, etc.

Garage Sale

photo courtesy of http://brooksidevillage.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/garage-sale.png

Its official, I'm having a Garage Sale. Well I wouldn't call it official, but its pencilled in my planner! We are having it at my Grandma's since I don't have a garage to speak for but she has two. Nick thinks I am nuts for doing this as it will be way too much work but truth me told, I am super excited! I love organizing things so I now have another project to work on. Yeah! I am also excited about getting all of this crap out of my house so we have extra room. Most of the stuff that I am selling is baby stuff so all of that will be out of the attic and I will have room to morph that into our home office. Hooray! I am so excited! If you have any preparing-for-a-garage-sale tips let me know...this is my first one!

Caring About What's Important in 2009

photo by rynna

For Christmas the love of my life bought me a new planner! Which consequently means a New Year! Can you believe 2009 is here and flying by already? This year means the following for me: I have been out of high school for 9 years, out of college for 5. I've been married for 6 years, have known Nick for 8. Emma will be 3, Calvin will be one. And I am happier than I've ever been. This year I will have a birthday for 28. As much as that seems young to some people, it is old to others. As I age the predicted is coming true: I am starting to not care what others think of me. I am learning to find true happiness in just being. I know that some people are still caught up in what labels your clothing has, who has what kind of hairstyle, and trying to keep up with the Jones'. But I am pretty much over those things now and am focusing on things like my family and keeping them safe and happy. Those are the kinds of things that make me happy. I am also discovering what drives me and what makes me truly happy. Organization and the feeling of bettering myself and accomplishment drive me; bubble baths, magazine reading and blogging make me happy. In this year I would like to truly challenge you to look deep into yourself and try to figure yourself out so you can be happy. What makes you happy? What are you doing that doesn't make you happy? And why are you still doing those things? Put foolishness of caring what others think behind you and focus on yourself and your family this year.

The Two Me's Don't Match

photo courtesy of Bonnix (Scotty)

From the title do you now think that I have a personality disorder? Let me explain before you call the psych ward...please! :) Anywho I recently have realized that I have this view of myself and my life and I don't think it exactly matches how I am living and how the world sees me. I will explain and then I am BEGGING for you to comment to let me know which view is real...my minds view of me or the world's view of me.

My minds view:


In my mind's view I am naiive. Way too young to be a mom. I have to struggle for everything. I am in a constant struggle to keep all of the balls in the air so no one can see how inadequate I am at everything. I am constantly wondering why my husband chose me and if he would rather not be with me simply because I think he deserves better. I am a sale savage...anything I get I get it because it happens to be on sale. I am poor. People judge me instantly and don't like me. I may have a college degree but people know that I have no idea what I am doing. I have nothing in common with the people around me because they are all better than me. They drive nicer cars, wear better clothes, live in better neighborhoods. In constantly feel that I do not deserve God's grace: other people do but surely not me.

The World's View:

I am a 27 year old of two wonderful children. I plan activities, their clothes are clean, and they eat good foods. We eat fresh produce, home cooked meals every night, with many organic ingredients. I take care of my family. I search for sales and good deals so my family can maximize the money that we have. People think I am nice but very shy or possibly stuck up. They don't understand why I don't talk to them. I am in the upper middle class with a college degree, two nice cars, and a house in a nice neighborhood. 95% of my clothes are from the Gap and Banana Republic. My children wear name brand clothing and shoes. My husband adores me and we laugh together all of the time. We fight daily but understand that it is because we are both passionate about the same things. I am clothed in God's grace because he chose to give it to me because I asked, not because of anything I did to be deserving.

Your turn...which one do you think describes me? Be honest now! Do you ever feel this way as well?

I Have Returned

Lindsay here. I am back as promised. Whew what a whirlwind of a time. It seems kind of late to be talking about in February, but we had a fantastic Christmas and such a relaxing New Year's...how about you? Did you enjoy everything that happened? Are you still savoring your memories? I personally am still buying Christmas items on clearance. I came home Friday and Nick said "oh great more Christmas stuff." But at 90% off you can't go wrong. My one and only resolution at New Year's was to become more organized. I am by nature an organized person so the fact that my house has been turning into a wreck every day has been sending me into panic attacks. So I vowed to become more organized. Even doing simple things like cleaning off the refrigerator has helped me find my inner peace. Look around your house and see what you can do. I moved where I keep the produce and it has changed my life. Just simple things like that can be done.



Anywho, thank you for coming back to read the life and times of Lindsay. I hope you enjoy. And please leave me a comment or two...I missed you too!

Taking a Break

I am so sorry that I have not written in a while on here. I am so disorganized at home which causes me to have panic attacks and have a constant feeling of guilt. It has effected my marriage, my relationship with my children and my opinion of myself. So that is why I am taking a blogging break. I am planning on being back in full swing come February 1st and I will update you on all of the crazy and wonderful things that have been happening. I hope you all had a blessed Christmas and I hope you have a rocking new year.

Haven-making is a Serious Job

Here...read this, its wonderful! I can wait until you finish reading. I'll just sit quietly here....and hum to myself. are you done yet? Nope? okay. How about now? Nope? Still not done? How about....NOW? Well geesh silly, its about time! So do you agree that we should treat our jobs at home like actual jobs? I know I do. When I am at home I think it helps immensely to wake up early, get dressed and get things around that I need to have a productive day. For example I often times will get the kids breakfast made in advance as much as I can: oatmeal in the bowl ready for water, vitamins on the table, babyfood and spoon ready for the opening. Taking care of our homes really is the most important job. We need to take it seriously to make sure we are having serious fun. We need to make our home a haven for our loved ones. They should WANT to be at home. The other day Emma and I were away from home for a long time and by the time we were almost home she was saying that she wanted her bed and Calvin and Daddy. She was yearning for home and I loved that. Does your family yearn for your home? If not what can you do to make it more haven-ish?