photo courtesy of Bonnix (Scotty)
From the title do you now think that I have a personality disorder? Let me explain before you call the psych ward...please! :) Anywho I recently have realized that I have this view of myself and my life and I don't think it exactly matches how I am living and how the world sees me. I will explain and then I am BEGGING for you to comment to let me know which view is real...my minds view of me or the world's view of me.My minds view:
In my mind's view I am naiive. Way too young to be a mom. I have to struggle for everything. I am in a constant struggle to keep all of the balls in the air so no one can see how inadequate I am at everything. I am constantly wondering why my husband chose me and if he would rather not be with me simply because I think he deserves better. I am a sale savage...anything I get I get it because it happens to be on sale. I am poor. People judge me instantly and don't like me. I may have a college degree but people know that I have no idea what I am doing. I have nothing in common with the people around me because they are all better than me. They drive nicer cars, wear better clothes, live in better neighborhoods. In constantly feel that I do not deserve God's grace: other people do but surely not me.
The World's View:
I am a 27 year old of two wonderful children. I plan activities, their clothes are clean, and they eat good foods. We eat fresh produce, home cooked meals every night, with many organic ingredients. I take care of my family. I search for sales and good deals so my family can maximize the money that we have. People think I am nice but very shy or possibly stuck up. They don't understand why I don't talk to them. I am in the upper middle class with a college degree, two nice cars, and a house in a nice neighborhood. 95% of my clothes are from the Gap and Banana Republic. My children wear name brand clothing and shoes. My husband adores me and we laugh together all of the time. We fight daily but understand that it is because we are both passionate about the same things. I am clothed in God's grace because he chose to give it to me because I asked, not because of anything I did to be deserving.
Your turn...which one do you think describes me? Be honest now! Do you ever feel this way as well?
1 comment:
I have offically called the psych ward.
I see the second view of you. I think we all (if we were honest with ourselves) have the first view of ourselves from day to day. We get that view only by looking at other people for comparison and validation. I say, "Who cares what they think" or "What an Alpha female might have in-grained in us we when were young". We are who we are. We should not define ourselves by looking at other people. There will always be a richer person, a skinnier body, or better car.
So with that said... I think you are a rockstar- a spastic, off the wall, sometimes disorganized rockstar! Keep it real! And remember you are loved through both views!!
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