Yes this is the Man of my Dreams

I thought this was just the funniest picture and I don't know what makes me giggle more...the weird snear he has going on, the plastic boot cup that is proportionally WAY too small for him or the Snoopy shirt that the kids got for him because they claim he looks just like Snoopy. For whatever reason I love this picture. If Nicholas does ever run for Mayor (like me and the rest of the world have been telling him to do) I am just going to hope against hope that no one tries to google pictures of the poor gent. I know I have posted some real doozy's over the years!


This picture was taken at my Grandma's house as we were celebrating his 32nd birthday! I cannot believe he is 32! I met Nick 10 years ago when he was 22 and I was only 19. For this short stretch of time every year he is 4 years older than me and I just love that. I always tease him about robbing the cradle and the like. :)


Seriously though here are some words to describe Nick:
Funny
Brilliant
Wise
Kind
Sexy
A Bad communicator of feelings
My best friend
Hilarious
Handsome
Kind
Gentlemanly
A great fried chicken maker
Swimmer
Golfer
Horsey back ride giver
Story time reader
Healer
Supervisor
Brownfield's Expert
Hater of stuffed peppers
AICP certified
LEED certified (you know in case you were looking :) )
Jack Johnson Fan
Rabid Cubs Fan
Great Bears Fan
Mediocre Colts Fan
Tickler
Lover
My Best Friend
Christian
Former Boy Scout
Tennis Pro
Bat killer
Roscoe's best buddy
Labor Coach
Mouse catcher
Teaser extraordinaire of Lindsay
Tall
Sexy...did I mention that???
Provider
Husband
Daddy
Son
Grandson
Nephew
Brother
Sexy
Cousin
Good Driver
Fantastic Parallel Parker
Great Judge of Character
Helper


I think that about sums it up for now. I could go on and on about what a fantastic man my hottie-head hubby is. I am just so proud of him. See when I met him as I said before he was 22 and yes I know that he was a man then but he was just so young! We both were and it feels almost as if we have grown up together. We fell in love, married, endured that brutal first year of marriage, had children together, purchased our home together: we've just matured and grown together.


And I am just so proud of him.

He's one of those men that I have never doubted. He's always supported me, always taken care of me, and has always provided for us. Nick has a silent faith about him. He has an unshakeable faith in God that is so rare to find. He knows with everything within him that he can count on God. When I am upset about a situation he can just tell me to relax or to stop worrying and you know what? I do! Because he has such a resounding faith in our Creator and knows that He will work everything out that when he just speaks the words "don't worry about it" it reminds me of the verses and the promises God makes to provide and take care of his flock. We serve a poewerful God and its a powerful thing when breathing simple words can put your wife's heart at ease.


So Happy Birthday Wit. I am so proud of you. I love you more than I will ever be able to clarify in speech or actions. Just know that I am an inperfect person with a perfect love in my heart for you that God has supplied. He did after all create us for one another. Happy Birthday, you deserve it :)

We were at my Grandma's house yesterday where she got a new sink. Emma went in to use the bathroom and I was teasing her, whispering to her "make sure you say something about her sink." So she went in and still had the door open and in this big voice slowly says "IMPRESSIVE!" I just thought that was the funniest thing ever.


I've got to tell you that sometimes being a mother is rough. And those sometimes seem to be coming and me more and more frequently. A few weeks ago I had an all out meltdown with Nick as he's been sick, the children have been sick, heck, the dog is sick. You work and work and work with no breaks, no stops in the clutter piling up. Good grief its like the 7th year of Viet Nam when it just got ridiculous. So I am really looking forward to our vacation coming up. I can't wait to sit on a beach with the love of my life and talk about our wedding 7 years ago.


Calvin has been sick. Sick, sick, sick. Emma had been sick and here's how Emma does sick: she developed a fever of 102. She laid in bed, complacent with looking at books all day in bed, fever broke 24 hours later, the next day had a little cough but was ready to get up and go. Here's how Cal does sick: Cal gets sick with a 102 temp...24 hours later he still has it only now things that looked like mosquito bites are becoming silver dollar sized welts all over his body. He's lethargic...like non responsive lethargic. Temp is unmoving. Wakes up screaming and clawing at his skin. 2 days later renderings of the welts still linger even after the fever breaks and now we have a red, sandpaperish rash all over our face. And even though we haven't seen a seizure, mom still holds her breath. Bad cough, we lose our voice. A week later we are still barking like a seal and can barely talk. Ugh. My poor little man. And I don't know if he can't hear (before you exude advice he is negative for strep and we did have his ears looked at which were fine) but I can't understand a word this guy is saying. Its like we went back 3 months over night. I pray he starts talking normally because I am frustrated and he is frustrated which means that he is back to being violent with me: hitting, biting, pinching, grabbing, smacking...which again means mom is frustrated.


Did I mention my Aunt Jan is back in town? This makes me so, so happy. I think she's my mom...shhhh, I really do. Some deep family secret or something. A kindred spirit is what I consider my Aunt Jan. Anyway we are having oodles of fun gabbing and catching up and eating in Shipshie. Which by the way if you call it that Emma will then say "wana" as if you are a dumb stupid person who cannot say anything right to save your life.


I am writing again which makes my soul soar and my heart palpatate like it is going into arrest. I've had to have my deadline extended before I even got started...yikes I hope this one isn't a doozy. I'm thinking of branching out into maybe a larger group of magazines or maybe some promotional writing for products. I guess I can always fall back on resume writing as I am freaking awesome, fo sho, fo sho. Ha! But really, do I have time? Yes I know that sounds lame but unless you are a mother you don't get it so don't judge me. Also if you are not a writer than you definitely don't get it. If there is one thing I've learned its that it is much, much harder than it looks.


Anyway I think that is it for now. Now you know a teeny bit about my life and that's all you're getting right now, so :P

Lights Out

So weirdest thing ever happened. Friday night we went out to eat with 3 other couples. We got to the restaurant and were having a great time. It sounded like it was raining but no big deal. We asked for boxes and checks and the lights go out. Uh-oh. So miraculously the restaurant let us all just go and dinner was on them! I feel bad for them but evidently they had no way of handwriting out a check???

So on our way home we noticed that things didn't look so good. Trees were down everywhere. There were trees on houses. It was scary. My mom was watching our kids so we were anxious to get home. There was an art fair going on in our neighborhood park and some of those poor people's tents and art were completely destroyed. Thank the Lord our home was okay. We had some very sizeable branches fall and the electricity was out but other than that no damage.

We were having everyone over for dessert (I made creme brulee and chocolate cake) so everyone was awesome and came and hung out in the dark. It was fun.

What was not so fun was the fact that our power was out...really, really out. The days were the thing we worried about as it was supposed to be 90 degrees every day so we stayed out of the house during the day. The nights were fine with the windows open and the candles going.

Everyone kept offering for us to stay with them and while we really, really appreciated it, we didn't need it. I am not a wuss. :) We had hot/cold water and a stove (thank the Lord for gas powered appliances).

It sounds really stupid but I liked having the power out. During the day we made sure to stay busy and we were all together. It brought our family together. At night after we got the kids to bed Nick and I sat on the couch and had nothing to do but talk. It was amazing. We talked and laughed so much and I just really relished it. We fell asleep on that couch every night and every night he would wake me up at about 2 in the morning and we would go upstairs to bed. It was just fun and simple.

The night we got power on (late, late Sunday night) we kept seeing the electric company trucks drive by so we knew it was coming soon! They cut everyone's power and it was so, so dark! Please let me explain that up to this point everyone on our street on the OTHER side of the street had power, snickering at us with their airconditioning and working washing machines! So when they cut their power too it was super, super dark which is pretty creepy when your houses are so close together. We could hear people everywhere but couldn't see them.

Half an hour into not having power a guy across the street was out on his porch singing the "ain't got no power blues" to which I wanted to throw something at him (especially as he wouldn't have been able to see it was me!). The people across the street were without power for about an hour while we were without power for 3 days!

In that time I need to thank our inlaws who were rockstars offering their house to us and allowing our food to stay with them for a while. We would have been out hundreds of dollars of food if we couldn't have taken everything down there.

I'd also like to thank my Grandma who had us over and entertained the kids while we were trying to find fun things to do.

It amazes me how spoiled we are with power...my Aunt Jan is definitely right! I love air conditioning and my dishwasher and my washing machine. Ah, and not reading by candle light. Yikes that hurts my eyes.

Hooray for God and for power!

That Devil

This week I spoke with my editor and brought up the idea of writing Cal's story out for everyone. She loved it and we are going to be splitting it up into a series. I started it Monday night when Nick was in bed. Tuesday morning I woke up in the worst mood imaginable. Tuesday thankfully Nick's mom was set to take the kids so I went back to working on it and it just sucked the life out of me. I have no explanation for this other than that sneaky devil. I know it sounds weird saying this but I really think he was attacking me. It must sound like I was just having an off day or was in a bad mood but I have NEVER felt like this. Even talking to Nick and trying to explain it to him that day I couldn't find the words. It was as if I was having the biggest pity party for Cal and was terrified about him and what was going to become of him, which is weird because you've read my previous blogs about how hopeful we are. I also physically felt like I was having a panic attack...all day long. I couldn't breathe. I was finding myself freaking out about things like "oh my gosh! I have this laundry to put away!!!" I was also having a terrible attitude about people in our lives. There are some people who we don't agree with their lifestyle or get a long with but for some reason geesh they were just on my mind and it was DRIVING me crazy. I logically was thinking, we hardly know these people, we almost never talk to them, they are secondary or third string people in our lives, they don't matter. Its not my business. But ten minutes later I would be seething. Weird I know.

All of this sounds like gibberish but here is what I know: I have a ton written and I haven't even gotten to the part with Cal's first evaluation. Plus this is the dumbed down version that is long, it doesn't have anything about our faith or my passionate love for Nick.

I guess all of this leaves me with wondering if I should write a book. We know that God doesn't do things without having a purpose. The purpose of Cal having apraxia might be to stand as an example of God's healing power and Majesty. I don't know, maybe nothing will happen but I feel as though I was being attacked by Satan when I sat down to write.

So please be praying for me. I haven't written anymore because honestly it sucked the life out of me. I need strength to get through this. We've had a ton of response from local moms anytime I've mentioned apraxia so I am confident my story could really help someone. I know how frustrated I was when I started researching that I couldn't find much first hand information. Grrr.


In other news I spoke with Cal's therapy coordinator and she thinks that she can set him up with a nutritionist. I am hoping that they can maybe check for any deficiencies that may be hindering his speech. Although he is advancing our therapist yesterday said that he is at about a year level of talking...yeehaw he's a year and a half delayed. Good and bad. I know, I know keep your chin up., It could be worse. I go in every night and watch Cal sleep and I thank God that he can talk to me and that he can say those words I never thought I would ever hear: "Love ya". :)

Today...

I broke in my new stockpot...ain't she a beaut? I love it! And I love my Mother in Law who gave me the said pot I love....ahhh, she's so sweet :)

And this is my hairbow Imade tonight...what do you think? Okay I would just like to say I think I did okay with this one...it looks like the one I bought from the store for Emma. These hairbows sell for $8.00 in the store!!! I bought a bag of 5 hair clips for $1.00 and a roll of ribbon for $2.00. Hmmm...so if I made 5 hair bows for $3.00 and sold them each at $8.00 then I would have a profit of $37.00. Geesh, maybe I should get better at making these bows :)

Happy Wednesday evening to you!

Sobbing With Thanks

Today I just started reading "Louder Than Words" by Jenny McCarthy. Have you read this? I am in the first chapter and had to stop because I was crying so hard. Her experience with her son's seizure was so much the same as mine...the feeling helpless, the feeling of your son being ripped away from you. The experience of begging God to take your life so your son can live. The fear of not knowing if your son would ever wake up. How she described the seizure too was painfully similar: the goneness of his soul, the gasping for breath like a fish out of water, the whispering to him that mama's here, mama's here. Watching the minutes pass and thinking "seizures don't last this long". All of it just ripped at my heart and although I could stop reading I couldn't stop sobbing.

You see, now we are on the opposite side of it. Calvin is healthy and thriving, and mine. All I could do is lift my hands in my dressing room and thank God for his mercies. Feeling those raw emotions again in the midst of Calvin growing and maturing was awe-inspiring. It was like God gave me his scrapbook and said "look at what I have accomplished with him". Amazing.

I just checked on Calvin tonight and he was sleeping so peacefully. Again I found myself sobbing with gratitude to God. Two months ago I didn't know what was wrong with Cal...ever. I never knew what if he was hot or cold, in pain or uncomfortable. Nothing. His words changed everyday so his word for milk could me something different every single day. It left him completely frustrated and it left me feeling like such a complete failure as a mother..."what kind of mother can't help her child?" This evening he bumped his head and was able to come to me and point to his head and say "boo boo, mama, (kiss noise)". How unfathomably awesome that he can tell me he needs me to kiss his booboo.

I know this sounds simple but watching him starting to emerge and be silly and kind is something that is just amazing to me and is such a priceless gift from God. Its as if his personality has been covered with a giant piece of swiss cheese. Sometimes I can peek through a little mousey hole and see his silliness and kindness, but most of the time its masked with this stinky cheese layer of not being able to communicate.

I know that all things are from God and all of this is God inspired and made. Our new therapist said that Calvin was healed and I believe that with all of my being. With two different therapists from two different institutes diagnosing him with severe apraixia I know it wasn't a mis-diagnosis. I know that God heard all of our prayers and has been massaging his little mind to get those neuro pathways carved out. I can't thank you enough for your prayers and support.

Here's to what God holds in our future. :)

Whee!

I don't really KNOW what we have been doing these past few weeks, but whew, we have been busy! I thought I would recap here. First of all let me tell you that we are loving the summer! I have been making peach pies and distributing them around the neighborhood. The mayor's wife says I have a pie ministry going on. :)

Tonight Nick gave the kids Toy Stors 2 to watch while he was at work...they don't look excited or anything do they? Have I mentioned that we l.o.v.e. Toy Story? We basically are consumed. But it is cute so I love it!

**********************

Yesterday we went to Chicago for a free Museum day at the Museum of Science and Industry. Since I am a stay at home mom I am considering it my "job" to snag the best deals for our family and make our money stretch the most that it can. Free days at places are a wonderful way as our kids get to still experience things and saves us a boatload of cash. By going on the free day we saved $40.00...score! Here are some pics from our trip:

We sneak-attacked her with kisses...she looks thrilled, right?

Cal was super excited about the locomotive you could go inside of. Em could have cared less so I stayed out with her but I would have loved to go in it too. Whenever Cal is excited about a train I instantly think of my Grandpa and how much he would have loved taking him to train museums and things. I know my Grandpa must be looking down proudly and someday in heaven I'm sure they'll be checking out trains together :)

There was a Navy exhibit so here is Nick practicing his salute to make sure its smart and snappy like the sign said...in a pink shirt by the way.

Yeah you know you love us in the clown costumes, don't lie ;)

Here they are being cute. Cal has entered the awkward smile phase of life...lets hope its just a phase at least. I think these two are just adorable

All in all we had a wonderful time. We went out to eat for pizza, stopped at Trader Joes (because they suck and refuse to put one in our area, Hmmmph!) and on the way home we stopped at a Candy Factory we had heard about. The kids loved it!

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In other news the other day I came outside to the kids and this is how I found Cal. Now if this doesn't make you laugh then you must not have a soul. Cal ditches his pants all of the time so that was no surprise but the no pants/girls bike helmet was just irresistable...can't wait to show this to a girlfriend down the road, ha!

****************

And Introducing:

The

New

COUCH!

I'm not excited or anything :)

What do you think and please give me your honest opinion. It has been a little bit of an adjustment because it is quite big. To tell the whole truth it is sticking out a little farther than I would like but that is because the table behind it is too deep. Once we find a new table we like then it will be okay. I just have to keep telling myself that.

For those of you who have never had the "pleasure" of seeing our old couch it was just so gross. We bought it when we first were married. Which was in college. It was denim. That should be enough said :)

Confession time here is that I called Goodwill and THEY weren't going to take it because it was too, well, gross. I held my head in shame and basically gave a sales pitch to the two gentlemen (term being used lightly here) picking the thing up. They took it, I'm embarrassed but denim-couchless.

ALSO....

This was our old grill...isn't it gross? First of all the ignitor doesn't work. We don't even have the button in hopes that it would work. The handle is missing so no your eyes aren't deceiving you that is in fact Nick holding the grill open with a pair of pliers. So a new grill was needed, so....

ta-da! Happy Father's Day and Birthday all rolled into one Brinkmann goodie package. He seems to be a very happy man. We broke the sucker in the other night with little packs of green beans, some fingerling potatoes and t-bone steak. It did a very nice job :)

I think that is it for now. Have a great weekend!

Spite

Today was such a doozy of a day with Mr. Calvin. Oh boy that boy is such a boy. It is just unbelievable. Two days ago I told Cal to go wash his hands and a few minutes later I heard water hitting the floor. He evidently found it appopriate to fill one of his galoshes with water and dump it on the floor. So he had been disciplined for that and I thought we had an understanding that we don't dump water on the floor.


That is until this morning when he was washing his hands and yet again I hear water falling. He found that if you turn the water up really hard and have it bounce off your arm it will spray all over the floor. Fun, right?


So again he got into trouble. We had a lot of discussion about how to wash your hands. So at dinner time he washed his hands properly and I cheered. When I was clearing the dishes I heard him quickly wash his hands and I cheered from the kitchen. Then I went into the living room and found that he had soaked the hand towel and was walking around with it dripping from the air. All I could say was "why are you doing this???" and all he had to say was "I don't know."


Errr this kid frustrates me. I thought it was over when I put him to bed. He has been crying at night so it was no surprise when he started up. But he kept crying. And screaming. So I went up there and what did I find? Not only had he taken his diaper off but he also decided to empty the entire contents of his bladder all over everything...ugh.


I am so frustrated with him and at the same time I am somewhat in awe of how much of a typical boy he really is. I am trying not to but I am wondering if this is spite coming out. You know maybe he thinks, well you yell at me I'm going to drag this cloth all over the house because she didn't tell me not to do this. And well you won't get me out of bed so I'll just pee all over everything and then you'll have to get me out of bed. I know that's terrible for me to think as a mother but there are times I just can't come up with any other reasons why he would be doing all of this.

Its Come Back to Bite Me...

First of all I must say that I love Nicholas more than anything. I always pick on him in fun and love. That being said I always tease Nicholas. I find myself saying things like "Ooh look at me, I'm Nicholas. I think I'm sooo cool. I am just the cutest man ever." Of course I am just picking on him and of course I really do think he is cool and cute.


A couple of days ago Nicholas was watching Food Network when the children came down from nap. They wanted to watch Caillou and Nick told them that he would change it in a few minutes when his program was over. I said my usual spastic comment about reminding him to make sure the commercials are appropriate (seriously, commercials are getting C.R.A.Z.Y!!!)

Anyway I was in the other room and we hear this from Emma "ooh look at me I'm Nicholas. I don't let my children watch Caillou so I can sit and watch commercials. I'm Daddy, I like watching inappropriate commercials." Nick and I could do nothing but laugh. Nick was crying, he was laughing so hard.


Needless to say I've stopped chiding him :)

Memorial Day Saturday...

Birthday Fun



Today is my Grandma Jean's birthday so we all met at a local cafe for lunch. She was tickled and it was a nice time getting together. Here are some pics from that:

Here's my cousin Jaime and her boyfriend Tim

Here is my baby seester Kelsey and Emma...they are best buds :)

Here is my Uncle Doug and our little Birthday girl!

The Zoo!

This morning I took the kids to the zoo. We are members so we can go in 2 hours before it opens to the public to see them feed the animals. Emma decided to sleep in (thank you Lord!) so we made it a little later. We did get to see the alligators eating which was fun. In general all the animals are a little rowdier than during the day because it is just the start of the day and it isn't so hot.

Here are a couple of pictures of the kids on the turtle statue...I think I like the second one better :)

This is a picture of the tiger. It was so cute because it was kind of playing in the water and then I guess it decided it was tired because it just came over in front of the kids and rested its head on a ledge in front of the glass. His breath was fogging up the glass. The kids just loved this moment.

"Driving Around in my Automobile..."

I love these pictures of the children. Its so funny what they went for too. Cal was steering the car while as soon as Em got in she pushed every button imaginable. So funny, these two are, I could just eat them up.

All About Ems

Today was Emma's last day of preschool and I simply cannot believe that the time is already here! I love that they are so excited for the summer. It makes me feel like a little kid and we have already been brainstorming a few ideas, including:
Going to the beach lots
Visiting the different zoos in the area
Visiting a couple different museums in Chicago and Detroit that have free days coming up
Running through the sprinkler
Eating lots of popsicles
and lastly having lots of family time and fun!


After preschool we all picked Emma up then got some happy meals for a picnic at the park. The kids were ecstatic. We then got to play at the new playground and they always have such a ball there.

I thought I would share some other things about Emma now:

I am trying to get her off the potty chair and onto a regular toilet. It is such a habit for her...she looks funny sitting on the little potty chair with her long legs, she reminds me of a frog.

She took her kitty cat to school today for show and tell. Its name is Phildore, and before you ask please just let me tell you that we have no idea where she got that name from. She just looked at it and said she was going to name is Phildore. And if you ask her what its name is this is what she'll say: say phil (and you'll say phil) now say door (and you'll say door) see, its name is phildore. Ha! Someone is very good at helping their brother talk.

Emma has no idea but we took her to the dentist and she has to have that flappy under her tongue cut off...you know the one that attaches your tongue to your mouth. That's going to be a nice day, right? ha! I have to work up the nerve to schedule that appointment sometime this summer while she is off. They say it doesn't hurt THAT bad which I believe...I am just worried about them getting to her. This is the girl they had to wrap bodycast style on a stretcher to take her stitches off. Good luck with this one dentist.

Emma is loving being a little girl. I often time find her in her room strutting around with big play earrings on with a purse full of money and huge high heels on. She likes to tip me for things. So when I do her hair she gives me a quarter, you know because I am her stylist apparently. She is so funny.

I love her, she is so cute and funny. She always says the funniest things and I can't wait to have this summer to spend with her. :)

Me and Summer...of sorry, Summer and Me

I am 28 years old now. That is close to 30, in case you were wondering. I have always heard that when you turn 30 you begin to have the better version of yourself emerge...the self that doesn't care so much what other people think, the person who is braver and willing to try new things because you realize life is 33% over. I think I am beginning to understand that part of turning 30.


You see, Summer and I have never really gotten along. It has never been my favorite season. When I was a kid it was always so stinking hot and we didn't have air conditioning. When I was a teenager summer meant having to have a job and again, be hot. When I was in college summer meant being apart from Nicholas, which was gut wrenching in itself but also meant that I was either in classes ALL day long or working. After college and since having kids it has meant heat, slathering bug spray and sunblock on four bodies everytime we are outside and giving bath after bath.


Well that all ended this year.


This year I am not going to be hot in a long sleeved shirt because I don't like my flabby arms. I would rather be in a tank top disgusting all of you and be happy then be hot and cross with my children because of it. This year I will embrace the popsicle sticky hands around my neck and the tummies with blue popsicle juice dripping down them. The dirtier the children are the happier they are and the more fun they must have had. This year I am going to be spontaneous. Dips in the pool, playing outside, garage saling, going to the beach, all will be done on a whim, not with intensive planning and devising and list making (by lists I am speaking of going to the beach, not going outside, ha!).


I want to be the fun mom. The mom who stops everything to eat zerbert on the front porch instead of hurrying to get the to-do list completed. My kids will remember having fun, not that I made them change into the perfect outfit or packed everything before rushing off to have an adventure.


So I am looking forward to this summer. On my front door I have an uppercase living saying that says "Summer is the season of life" and this year it really does feel that way because I feel God has given me a new perspective and a new look on life.

Boots :)

This picture was from a couple of weeks ago but I just love it and totally forgot to post it. Calvin loves his boots and Emma is showing off her boots that she got for her Birthday. So now we are boot partners in crime. When Nicholas was a little boy he had boots that were way too big for him that he evidently refused to take off and would wear all of the time. I just think they are so cute how they are following in their Daddy's footsteps.


Today was a wonderful day. We had a lovely visit with our neighbors during the afternoon while the kids were swimming. Then after naptime we went to get a pizza (love when the hubs gives me the green light to not cook!) and came home and dined on the patio (still don't have pics, I know I am completely a loser!) After that we got some work done in the yard and then we went to meet our neighborhood garden lady. We bought a plot in the community garden for a vegetable garden and I am super excited! I love our yard but it is super shady and let's face it...kind of small. So we are hoping this will mean that we will actually get some produce because we've tried before and got nothing out of our garden.


When we got home from that we all indulged and had Raspberry sherbert outside on the front porch. It was one of those priceless family memories I will always remember. Calvin kept picking up in his hands. When Nick asked if a spoon just wasn't worth the trouble Cal said "yeah". He was COVERED in pink stickiness. Emma calls sherbert zerrrberrrts. So when Nick would hear her say she wanted zerberts he would zerbert her which I loved.


So it was a good day. Tomorrow morning I am taking the two kids to meet the preschool class for a trip to the zoo and playground. Hopefully I won't be the mom who loses her kids...I hate when they outnumber me!

Hanging Out Poolside

We decided that with the high temperatures and humidity levels starting that we were going to need a pool. We found this huge pool at Christmas Tree Shop for only $16.99! Wowwie! Okay it isn't gigantic or anything but for the two kids it is plenty big enough. They were in the pool three times today and it was just the first day! They just love it! The water really feeds into Calvin's evil plans to annoy Emma beyond belief. As you can see they are super cute in the water and I even let them enjoy popsicles in there. Yeah, that's right I am one cool mom.

Tonight was Emma's last Gymnastics class which was kind of sad but geez oh pete I am so excited I don't have to take those kids anywhere for the whole summer after this week! Hooray! Not that they are involved in so, so much or anything like that but it will be nice to have a practically clear schedule to say, go to the beach, or a museum, or the waterpark, or, or, or...as you can see I have some big plans for these kids.

I started casually chatting with Cal's therapist about him not listening. I have always figured it was a stubborn mule of a man thing...after all I have to tell Nick to do things three times so why would his son be any different? Turns out it could be something bigger. The therapist seemed to be really concerned about the part that I can't let Cal walk with me or go anywhere unless he is strapped in as he just won't stop. Even when I am screaming and scared or mad, the kid won't stop. I guess the fact that there might be something that can be done to help the situation seems amazing to me as that has just been the way of life around here.

Emma said the funniest thing tonight. Tonight Cal said "no me, no me" about something and she said "no Cal, we don't use rhyming words towards people that we love." I just laughed. I won't tell her that he didn't rhyme, he repeated, and man, oh man, she could really set some rappers straight, am I right?

So that was our day. Hope you are enjoying your week!

Tuckered Out

I had to share this photo with you because it is so stinking cute! As I mentioned Cal loves, LOVES Toy Story right now, especially Buzz Lightyear. We got this book from the library and its kind of a dictionary of the movies, but anyway, he makes me read from it every night (only the pages that have Buzz on them) and then he begs me to leave his light on so he can look at the book until he falls asleep. I went in to turn off his light last night and this was what I found. Isn't he just too precious? Not only the book but I also love that his Buzz Lightyear figure (that we can't go anywhere without and I spend who knows how many minutes searching for each day) is jammed under his head and shoulder. He doesn't mind. As you can see he has also stopped clinging to the side of his bed (all of the time!) in hopes that he won't fall out of bed. He just makes me smile.


Today is hot! We went for a family walk to the park and fed the baby ducks. The kids loved it. Then we came back and played in the sprinklers. I was hoping to have some cute shots to show but Cal seemingly hates the water so no pictures were had...I ended up trying to coax him in the whole time.

Happy Monday!

The Weekend

Here are the kids. This weekend we went to Nick's Grandma's house for a belated Mother's Day celebration. She lives on a lake so the kids did a lot of fishing and we went for a boat ride which the children just relished! Above is a picture of the kids walking to the shore together...aren't they just so cute together?

Here's Cal ready for anything

Here's Emma playing with plastic worms or "nightcrawlers" as she would be sure to correct you with if you called them worms.

My whole purpose in life all snug on a couch...

And here I am with curly hair. You'll have to let me know what you think. With how humid its been it has been a beast to straighten it so I thought to heck with it, we are going au naturale. I think I like it and I think its cute. More importantly as I near 30 I am beginning to not care if anyone else likes it or not (aside from Nick :) ). Hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well!

Do you know what put this goofy smile on my face? This...
An empty dishwasher! This afternoon I came home from my run (hence the disgusting-ness of myself in above picture, but I don't care, its my blog so I can post gross pictures) and was DREADING unloading the dishwasher! I HATE unloading the dishwasher. Anywho I pulled it open and to my surprise my darling of a husband had unloaded it while I was picking Emma up from preschool! He got up (he worked last night and tonight) to play with Cal and unload my dishwasher apparently. I am one lucky lady for sure!

Tonight after dinner we made Puppy cookies which was a recipe from a cookbook my rockin' hot Aunt Jan gave Emma for her Birthday. I made the chocolate chip cookies ahead of time so they could make these with them. Aren't they darling? You can tell Em's really proud, such a sweetheart!

Poor Cal didn't really understand. He tried to eat each part of the cookie when we were putting them together. I kept him from doing it because Iknew he would be crushed if he didn't have the same end product as Emma's so this picture is him devouring his once I gave him the signal to go!

Update...

This has to be one of my favorite pictures ever! How happy is this guy? This was

Cal's first Christmas so he was about two weeks shy of being a year old.

As mentioned in the previous post we basically fired Cal's old therapist. That being said Cal hasn't had therapy in probably a month's time. In that time Calvin's language has taken off in that he is gibber-gabbering and starting to put words together.

Yesterday we met with Cal's new therapist and I am just so, so excited. He looked over his old paper work and talked to us and then gave us his opinion. He said that he does see some Apraxic tendencies but he doesn't think Cal has severe apraxia at all. He thinks in the last 3 weeks he has basically healed himself. He said he thinks he can have him having conversations by August. Then he proceded to appologize that we have been put through all of this.

He said that his main goal is to get his language up to a level so he can enter school and preschool as a normal kid and not need any special classes or have to have any labels. You all know through reading this and talking to me that one of my huge concerns outside of him needing to be in a special needs class is that he won't be able to read or write or will have a delay. He said that in the fact that Calvin has two highly educated and caring parents, he doesn't think that will be a problem at all.

I am just a little in shock and awe...speechless is one way to put it. I have had so many tearfilled nights. Just last Sunday we took the kids to the park and Calvin was trying to show a little girl his shoes (because he has the light up buzz lightyear shoes). He kept pointing and saying "aka, aka" and she just looked at him like "I have absolutely no idea what you are telling me". My eyes filled with tears as I felt like this was just the beginning of him not being understood. Now I feel like this might be the end. Oh and by the way, Cal was thankfully clueless to this little girl not knowing what "aka" meant because he started stomping, so she started stomping and that became the new thing to do.

I am not sure if Cal was healed or if he was just late in talking. He still isn't talking in words anyone can understand and I am leary to believe he will be telling me how the weather is outside by the end of summer, but I am believeing and here's what I do know: I know that God made Calvin just perfect. Absolutely perfect. I believe he has such big plans for him. And I believe God has his big strong hands around him, loving him and comforting him at the end of each day that he goes to bed frustrated that we couldn't understand what he wanted. That's what I know.

So we are very thankful and hopeful that we will be sending a completely normal little boy to preschool next year! Thank you Lord!

Playing Catch Up with this blog...

Sorry I haven't been on here lately. I just noticed that it has been a month since I posted last...wowwie how time if flying! Things are not crazy or anything, just full of life and fun and sometimes I just don't feel like interupting all of that with writing.

Emma and Calvin at Em's Birthday party...when your sister gets to dress up, why shouldn't you too? She has been calling him her Prince Charming which has been shortened to Charming...so cute!

The children are wonderful and amazing and we are all having so much fun together. I just love them and I am cherishing the time that I am getting to spend with them. God is so good, all of the time! Princess Emma!
Here's Emma's Birthday cake made by Auntie Bean...isn't it just adorable?

Emma turned four on May Day and it is just so bittersweet to see her grow up! She is such a sweet heart and is such a little lady. I take such pride in her that when someone leaves our home she tells them to drive safely or when we leave someone else's home she says "thank you for having me". But on the other hand she is Miss Independent. The other day she said (in her little voice) "I am four now, I don't need my mother to blow my nose." Well excuse me!

Emma being absolutely adorable on vacation! I just love her so much! She is so fun and has the cutest bathing suit...cutest suit for the cutest girl!

Emma is really flourishing in preschool, has tons of friends and is learning lots of new things. I am just so happy to see her progress. She is in gymnastics and soccer right now. We are trying to get her to try everything to see what she likes and what she doesn't. So far she is not in love with soccer but does have a passion for gymnastics.

Here's Cal painting. He never wanted to be artsy before so when he asks we jump on it. I don't know what I love about this picture more...the fact that he is standing in his Daddy's shoes painting or that he has paint ALL over his face! So fun!

Calvin is really starting to try to talk. No one can really understand him but he is starting to gibber gabber and have fun. He is about a year late on that one but he is starting. I basically fired our speech therapist. She genuinely had concern for Calvin but had no desire to have any hands on therapy. Towards the end he was looking at flashcards for 10 minutes and then would watch a movie the rest of the therapy time. It was just not working. We are going to be starting with a new therapist who is supposed to be crazy involved and active and I think Calvin will really respond to it. Yippee! I am so excited as next week is our first meeting with him!


Calvin is OBSESSED with Buzz Lightyear which is the cutest thing I have ever seen! Shoes...Buzz. Umbrella...Buzz. We have Buzz Lightyear posters, books, figurines everywhere! It is so cute when a child takes their first interest in something. Calvin calls Buzz Lightyear "aagaaa" for Lightyear. I just love that little boy so much!


I am loving staying home but the last month has definitely been an adjustment! I am such an organized person who always has a schedule. When I worked I had my planner open and would write everything down that needed done. Then I would make a timed schedule of how the day would go. That seemed to go well when I had a job but now a days it just didn't seem to work and I seemed to be just spinning my wheels. I have been spending my days seemingly very busy and at the end having nothing done or accomplished.


So I bought and downloaded "Motivated Moms". It is a day by day plan of things to do and I love it! I feel like I have my life back. I feel so accomplished when I check everything off and it is almost mindless. It makes sure I do basic things every day like take out the trash, do the dishes, laundry, etc, etc. but it also has scheduled things it tells you to do that you have to do periodically to keep your house running. Things you think of but now you don't have to like changing the sheets, clipping the children's fingernails, etc, etc. It is just a lifesaver for me and it was only $8.00!


A dear friend of mine recommmended it and at first I thought I could make a schedule up for myself and wouldn't need to pay the money but in starting that it seemed monumental and now that I have the lists there are things on there that I would never have thought to put on the list. For example last Monday I scrubbed down the bathroom walls. Wow, those were gross!


Nick, poor Nick is still on nights. He is such an amazing man that he works all of the time to support us and does so without complaint. I think he secretly takes pride in supporting us all by himself. That is something that we have never had before so it is new and exciting for all of us. I am so happy to be able to teach my children that the man's role is to provide for his family and his wife is to be his helpmate. Not that women can't work or men can't stay home but I am so happy with how things are now and pray that God continues to bless us so I can keep staying home! When Nick is home I am sure to make him big breakfasts, bake homemade cookies, and cook lots of good foods for him.


Our poor dog Lucy has heartworm. Ugh. This has been such a battle. The week before Nick was laid off I took her into the doctor for her checkup which came back that she had heartworm that had been contracted before we got her from the humane society. Naturally once Nick was laid off we couldn't pay the money for her to be treated which had just been heartbreaking. Now that we are back up on our feet (by on our feet I mean we have gone from being dirt poor to "frugal") we are having Lucy treated. She has to be on medicine for another 3 weeks and then they are doing a steroid procedure to try to kill the worms. Which by the way better work because it is going to cost at least $1000! Wow! I know it is a lot of money and I really had to sell Nick on it but I couldn't in good conscious just let my children's beloved dog die because it was too much money. I may be singing a different tune when she needs chemo or something but for now we are going to do this. The good thing about it is that we need grass seed planted but have been leary that Lucy would dig it up. So since before and after the treatment she can't run or go out except on a leash for 2 months, we are using that time for landscaping and getting some grass planted and rooted. I am super excited to see the finished product of my Landscape Architect Husband's plan!

What else has happened? Hmmm, trying to think. We have our living room half way painted. You can see the green in the picture of Emma and Calvin. I'll post pictures when it is done as Nick is doing some finishing work on it. I am growing my hair out...how exciting, I know. The good thing about that is that I am saving a ton of money on my salon bill as I now go every 4-5 months just for a trim. We went on a mini-vacation in April. Something we had been promising the kids since Nick was reemployed. It was more stressful on the adults than relaxing because it rained the entire time but I think the kids had a good time. I'll do another post on vacation.

I think that is it for now! Whew!













The children are loving the warmer weather and we have been having meals on our new patio and spending lots of time playing outside!

Trying to be Positive

I know my new attitude is to be positive and I am trying, honest I am.

Yesterday we met with Calvin's care coordinator through First Steps. Since he is going to be 3 in 9 months we have to start talking about what is going to happen once he has aged out of the program and we are basically on our own to get him help and therapy. She talked, it seemed okay and then she gave me a red folder of information to look over on my own.

So later came, it was naptime and I decided to find out my choices. I open the folder and there staring me in the face is a packet entitled "how to enroll your child into Special Education". I lost it. I sobbed. He CAN'T be in Special Education. I guess it just kills me to think that because he can't communicate he is going to be just in a random group of kids. Understanding is not the issue, learning is not the issue, it is simply a matter of communicating.

It makes me sick to my stomach to think that because he has a neurological disorder that he is just going to be grouped with kids with special needs, whether that class will help him or not.

So I refuse. I will be homeschooling him. Emma is too sociable and too smart for me to teach her. So we have decided that she will go to school. But we are homeschooling Calvin. We are researching other school districts in the area to see what help or classes they offer. We are begining a more active approach to sign language with the thought that we might end up sending him away to a school for all-deaf kids.

Bottom line is my son will not be in special education classes. He is the brightest, funniest little boy. I just can't do that to him.

He's so great

Yesterday Nick and I had the chance to drive to Chicago together and we had a wonderful time. I am reminded when we sit in silence sometimes how comfortable that is. When we first started dating it was if we had known one another for our entire lives, there was no awkwardness with us, no tension, not every second had to be filled with something. We could just sit and be ourselves with silence we knew. I take this gift for granted now.

Much like that I take my husband for granted too. Oh its nothing serious where I don't know how good I have it but in everyday life you fall into a thing that he's there because he's there because he's there. You know?

Today Nick worked 12 hours and yes I am writing this on a Sunday. Last night Calvin didn't sleep at all so Nick hardly had any sleep. He said he felt sick and sleepy all day long because of it. So when he got home I knew he wouldn't be up for much. But he took a walk with us. He read to the children their bedtime stories complete with the funny voices. Then he chased them both around the house, scooped them both up on his back and ran all they way upstairs. The giggles that abounded I am sure were enough of a reward for him. He is such an amazing Daddy to the luckiest children ever.

And I am the luckiest wife ever. Except there's no luck to it because I know it is all God. Yesterday as we drove home Nick said something to me and it sounded like a line so I said "don't talk to me like you are Barry White!" to which he started singing and talking to me in that voice. For those of you who know my husband you know that he is HILARIOUS with his voices. Tears were streaming down my face I was laughing so hard and I was reminded how hard I love him.

So thank you Nicholas for your love and support and devotion to all of us. You are our rock and we go to THE ROCK everyday thanking Him for you.

Devotions

I'm never really one for going on and on about my devotions or what I learn each day because I guess I feel that I am getting things out of them that Ineed and not necessarily what others need. But I felt that I should share my devotions that I read today because I am sure it is applicable to so many people. First of all, you can read the devotional I use by clicking here.

The verse that really stuck out to me was Ephesians 4: 29 which tells us "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. that it may benefit those who listen."

Basically I need to do away with gossiping but also all of the negativitiy and complaining that I do. This morning is a perfect example. I had two kids awake before 6 this morning. Yikes. I could have written a blog about how we are all going to be so tired and how grumpy everyone is. But that is being negative. So instead I will praise the Lord that I have two healthy children that can get themselves out of bed and make decisions for themselves. They could be vegetables. Or I think of my friend who lost her little boy. I'm sure she'd give anything to have him wake her before 6.

What will this accomplish you ask? First of all its from the Bible so God told us to do it, so we do it. That doesn't mean it won't be hard to not do things the wordly way but that is what we are called to do. Secondly, if we (Christians that is) are super nice people who never have anything bad to say and always seem to be joyful and content, how would they NOT want to have what we have in our lives?

The devotion described this as getting rid of the Verbal pollution in your life. I am going to be working on cleaning myself up from now on!

He's Alive!

This was the first year that I think Emma is starting to understand the Resurrection story and everything that that means. It brings tears to my eyes when I see her understanding. I was reading about Jesus' assention into heaven and how it happened a long time ago and she says "and now we are His disciples" she really is starting to understand.

I am sorry I do not have pictures of our big day today. My cousin/best friend in the whole world has an amazing camera so I resigned myself to being lazy about picture taking while she took some amazing ones. I think I am getting the pictures from her on Wednesday.

I hope you had a blessed Easter as well. God is just so good to us. We couldn't have asked for a better day. Because I am such a classic Church of Goder I am a huge Gaither fan and I love these lyrics:

"Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He Lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life if worth the living,
just because He lives"

How true is that? My life would be NOTHING without Christ. When I have allowed him to guide my life some AMAZING things have happened: I met my one true love, I have two beautiful children, we live in a wonderful home, and we have followed his career paths for Nicholas to the point that I am now home with my children. And that's just going back 10 years! Praise the Lord! Life IS worth living! God gives us so much, even more than just taking care of us physically. Life, love, everything is worth it because HE lives!

One of those days...

Today was one of those days that I hope the four of us remember always. It was just silly and perfect. We woke up this morning and decided it was high time we went to Shipshewana! So we went to our favorite place for breakfast. The kids ate wonderfully! I was shocked and so happy! They kept asking for more food off of our plates. For those of you who hang with us you know I am always secretly guilty whenever I take the children somewhere because it means they are slowly starving: they refuse to eat when we are away from home! So I was very happy that they decided to chow down-and fruit was what they ate the most of...hooray!

After that we went on to this shopping center that has a carousel on the top floor...the kids LOVED it! Emma kind of remembered it from the last time we were there; Cal I am sure had no recollection of the thing but as soon as we got there he just stopped and stared at it. You can tell from their faces that they were happy campers!

We had bought them suckers that morning so on the way home we let them have it. They were those giant ball suckers that stick in the wooden tree thing...you know what I mean, right? Anywho, Emma had hers gone in about 10 minutes (silly girls a cruncher) and Cal put his anywhere you can imagine. He decided to rip off his shoes because how fun is it to rub your sucker inbetween your toes? He is hilarious in that way that he makes me laugh and all I can think is "what is going through this kids mind?" He's got some type of plan in there. SO cute. So a bath was inevitable for them both by the time we got home.

It wasn't anything special it was just one of those morning where God gave us a beautiful day and we took full advantage of it with our little family.

I also have to tell you that Emma came into our room this morning and this is what she said..."I tried to walk like a normal person in my slippers but instead I decided to walk like Grandma Jean" how hilarious is that! She has the same kind of slippers like my Grandma so I guess she assumes she is destined to walk like her...too cute. And then she was saying "see look" as she paced back and forth on my side of the bed, shuffling her little slippered feet so I could see how she walks...she is so funny.

A Giblet fell off my Croc this evening in Emma's room and this really just bugged Cal to no end. I found him in my closet going through my shoes to find my crocs, which I was wearing. I was just pretty impressed that he found that thing lying on the floor and somehow knew that it was from my shoe. He is one smart little cookie.

We talked all day about how this was the day Jesus died on the cross for our sins. That's some powerful stuff there folks. Emma looked like she was about to cry so I think she is starting to understand that. I don't know if I ever will. God sent his son to die for me, ME, so I can live an eternal life with God. He sacrificed His son to pay the debt to the devil for my sins. Wowwie-zowie. I am one blessed girl to be loved by my God.

Happy Easter to you. May you feel God smile on you as you know how much He loves you.

I hate you therapy

Do you ever reach that point when you are just done? I mean, D-O-N-E, done? Because I am so there.
The little disclaimer here is that I am just venting for the sake of venting. Probably none of this will make sense tomorrow. But here it goes:
I am sick of therapy. I am sick of having to go through therapy. I am sick of proving that Calvin needs therapy. I am sick of it all. I am sick of it because it makes me feel like he is something that he's not...I know he's the smartest brightest boy in the world and I hate that we have to spend time doing this and practicing how to make a long o sound rather than a short o sound when we should be out somewhere hunting for frogs or something.
I hate that when he is 3 he will no longer qualify for First Step therapy and we are basically on our own. I have known this all along but I never even thought of it because I thought "by the time he's 3 he won't even need therapy anymore" and yet here we are talking about what is going to happen once he is done and needs more therapy. Every fiber in my being screams, please! NO! He can't need more therapy. Why isn't this getting better?
He is so frustrated. I am so frustrated. I have always known that there was a chance that he would miss out on things but the rational side of me said "he's only one" and then "he's only two" and yes I know he is still only two but here are things I think of: you can't sign football plays when you are the quarterback...you have to say them. No one will know what you are saying if you are signing STOP when a stranger tries to take you. And here is the one that really gets me...what would he do if he were lost? He can't even say his name, let alone his address or our names. Would I ever see him again? It just crushes my spirits to think of these things and I know I shouldn't let myself go there again.
I need to look at all that God has given me. That Cal is completely healthy in every other way. But I am starting to face the reality that this might not be something that is going to be helped. We are exploring the option of homeschooling him because God forbid if he can't talk, how are preschool teachers going to be able to work with him?
I am not opposed to homeschooling but I don't want to because I HAVE to...I want to because I want to. I am sick of HAVING to do things. I am tired of talking for him. Of telling people "he just signed thank you to you". I am tired of putting him through therapy. Therapy that seems to not being doing much of anything aside from making me irritated and irrational and emotional.
Thank you for listening. I'm done now.

Check out these weirdos

I just had to post this because it made me laugh and we can all use a laugh once in a while, right? I was flipping through our pictures and saw this and I though, "oh, I don't look too bad" but then look at my company! Nick poor guy if you will notice has a huge gash on his head. From what you ask? Well if you are missing excitement in your life try bashing yourself in the head with a crow-bar...he had such a goose egg but now it is just a teeny gash, thank GOD! But you pair that with a shaving incident he had that morning and the guy looks like a walking case of leporasy (sp?) or something. Then ther's Calvin, or should I say a drunk Simon Baker. What did we give this kid? He looks like he should be sitting at a picnic table somewhere with a cigarette in one hand and one of those old cans of beer from the 60's...you know what I am talking about...those pictures you see of your family members and think "oh nice, really nice." Poor guys, I am picking on them. You know, they usually are adorable and I look like death hung over or a pig with lipstick on...oh how the tables have turned boys..muahhhh (this is my evil laugh by the way!) Happy Tuesday!
*Disclaimer: I am madly in love with these two men and am idly teasing them through no fault of their own. Promise. Its true, I'm just picking on them. Besides Calvin (and possibly Nick) can't read so its okay. :)

Egg Decorating

This past week we decorated eggs and had a great time! Cal just basically sat there and watched as he wanted to throw the eggs or dump the dye or both at the same time. They turned out really cute. The only problem we had was that I got a kit with only 3 colors but we made due and it became a good teaching lesson of what colors mix to make what. How fun! And all the eggs were cool, sitting around in the refrigerator until Nick dumped ALL OF THE EGGS out of the refrigerator. AND ALL OF THE EGGS BROKE! Ugh! But they were fun to make and before they broke we had a fun time eating hardboiled eggs every day. Calvin kept trying to figure out why the eggs were hued a different color when he ate them...I think he thought we were trying to poison him, poor guy.