Trying to be Positive

I know my new attitude is to be positive and I am trying, honest I am.

Yesterday we met with Calvin's care coordinator through First Steps. Since he is going to be 3 in 9 months we have to start talking about what is going to happen once he has aged out of the program and we are basically on our own to get him help and therapy. She talked, it seemed okay and then she gave me a red folder of information to look over on my own.

So later came, it was naptime and I decided to find out my choices. I open the folder and there staring me in the face is a packet entitled "how to enroll your child into Special Education". I lost it. I sobbed. He CAN'T be in Special Education. I guess it just kills me to think that because he can't communicate he is going to be just in a random group of kids. Understanding is not the issue, learning is not the issue, it is simply a matter of communicating.

It makes me sick to my stomach to think that because he has a neurological disorder that he is just going to be grouped with kids with special needs, whether that class will help him or not.

So I refuse. I will be homeschooling him. Emma is too sociable and too smart for me to teach her. So we have decided that she will go to school. But we are homeschooling Calvin. We are researching other school districts in the area to see what help or classes they offer. We are begining a more active approach to sign language with the thought that we might end up sending him away to a school for all-deaf kids.

Bottom line is my son will not be in special education classes. He is the brightest, funniest little boy. I just can't do that to him.

He's so great

Yesterday Nick and I had the chance to drive to Chicago together and we had a wonderful time. I am reminded when we sit in silence sometimes how comfortable that is. When we first started dating it was if we had known one another for our entire lives, there was no awkwardness with us, no tension, not every second had to be filled with something. We could just sit and be ourselves with silence we knew. I take this gift for granted now.

Much like that I take my husband for granted too. Oh its nothing serious where I don't know how good I have it but in everyday life you fall into a thing that he's there because he's there because he's there. You know?

Today Nick worked 12 hours and yes I am writing this on a Sunday. Last night Calvin didn't sleep at all so Nick hardly had any sleep. He said he felt sick and sleepy all day long because of it. So when he got home I knew he wouldn't be up for much. But he took a walk with us. He read to the children their bedtime stories complete with the funny voices. Then he chased them both around the house, scooped them both up on his back and ran all they way upstairs. The giggles that abounded I am sure were enough of a reward for him. He is such an amazing Daddy to the luckiest children ever.

And I am the luckiest wife ever. Except there's no luck to it because I know it is all God. Yesterday as we drove home Nick said something to me and it sounded like a line so I said "don't talk to me like you are Barry White!" to which he started singing and talking to me in that voice. For those of you who know my husband you know that he is HILARIOUS with his voices. Tears were streaming down my face I was laughing so hard and I was reminded how hard I love him.

So thank you Nicholas for your love and support and devotion to all of us. You are our rock and we go to THE ROCK everyday thanking Him for you.

Devotions

I'm never really one for going on and on about my devotions or what I learn each day because I guess I feel that I am getting things out of them that Ineed and not necessarily what others need. But I felt that I should share my devotions that I read today because I am sure it is applicable to so many people. First of all, you can read the devotional I use by clicking here.

The verse that really stuck out to me was Ephesians 4: 29 which tells us "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. that it may benefit those who listen."

Basically I need to do away with gossiping but also all of the negativitiy and complaining that I do. This morning is a perfect example. I had two kids awake before 6 this morning. Yikes. I could have written a blog about how we are all going to be so tired and how grumpy everyone is. But that is being negative. So instead I will praise the Lord that I have two healthy children that can get themselves out of bed and make decisions for themselves. They could be vegetables. Or I think of my friend who lost her little boy. I'm sure she'd give anything to have him wake her before 6.

What will this accomplish you ask? First of all its from the Bible so God told us to do it, so we do it. That doesn't mean it won't be hard to not do things the wordly way but that is what we are called to do. Secondly, if we (Christians that is) are super nice people who never have anything bad to say and always seem to be joyful and content, how would they NOT want to have what we have in our lives?

The devotion described this as getting rid of the Verbal pollution in your life. I am going to be working on cleaning myself up from now on!

He's Alive!

This was the first year that I think Emma is starting to understand the Resurrection story and everything that that means. It brings tears to my eyes when I see her understanding. I was reading about Jesus' assention into heaven and how it happened a long time ago and she says "and now we are His disciples" she really is starting to understand.

I am sorry I do not have pictures of our big day today. My cousin/best friend in the whole world has an amazing camera so I resigned myself to being lazy about picture taking while she took some amazing ones. I think I am getting the pictures from her on Wednesday.

I hope you had a blessed Easter as well. God is just so good to us. We couldn't have asked for a better day. Because I am such a classic Church of Goder I am a huge Gaither fan and I love these lyrics:

"Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He Lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life if worth the living,
just because He lives"

How true is that? My life would be NOTHING without Christ. When I have allowed him to guide my life some AMAZING things have happened: I met my one true love, I have two beautiful children, we live in a wonderful home, and we have followed his career paths for Nicholas to the point that I am now home with my children. And that's just going back 10 years! Praise the Lord! Life IS worth living! God gives us so much, even more than just taking care of us physically. Life, love, everything is worth it because HE lives!

One of those days...

Today was one of those days that I hope the four of us remember always. It was just silly and perfect. We woke up this morning and decided it was high time we went to Shipshewana! So we went to our favorite place for breakfast. The kids ate wonderfully! I was shocked and so happy! They kept asking for more food off of our plates. For those of you who hang with us you know I am always secretly guilty whenever I take the children somewhere because it means they are slowly starving: they refuse to eat when we are away from home! So I was very happy that they decided to chow down-and fruit was what they ate the most of...hooray!

After that we went on to this shopping center that has a carousel on the top floor...the kids LOVED it! Emma kind of remembered it from the last time we were there; Cal I am sure had no recollection of the thing but as soon as we got there he just stopped and stared at it. You can tell from their faces that they were happy campers!

We had bought them suckers that morning so on the way home we let them have it. They were those giant ball suckers that stick in the wooden tree thing...you know what I mean, right? Anywho, Emma had hers gone in about 10 minutes (silly girls a cruncher) and Cal put his anywhere you can imagine. He decided to rip off his shoes because how fun is it to rub your sucker inbetween your toes? He is hilarious in that way that he makes me laugh and all I can think is "what is going through this kids mind?" He's got some type of plan in there. SO cute. So a bath was inevitable for them both by the time we got home.

It wasn't anything special it was just one of those morning where God gave us a beautiful day and we took full advantage of it with our little family.

I also have to tell you that Emma came into our room this morning and this is what she said..."I tried to walk like a normal person in my slippers but instead I decided to walk like Grandma Jean" how hilarious is that! She has the same kind of slippers like my Grandma so I guess she assumes she is destined to walk like her...too cute. And then she was saying "see look" as she paced back and forth on my side of the bed, shuffling her little slippered feet so I could see how she walks...she is so funny.

A Giblet fell off my Croc this evening in Emma's room and this really just bugged Cal to no end. I found him in my closet going through my shoes to find my crocs, which I was wearing. I was just pretty impressed that he found that thing lying on the floor and somehow knew that it was from my shoe. He is one smart little cookie.

We talked all day about how this was the day Jesus died on the cross for our sins. That's some powerful stuff there folks. Emma looked like she was about to cry so I think she is starting to understand that. I don't know if I ever will. God sent his son to die for me, ME, so I can live an eternal life with God. He sacrificed His son to pay the debt to the devil for my sins. Wowwie-zowie. I am one blessed girl to be loved by my God.

Happy Easter to you. May you feel God smile on you as you know how much He loves you.