My Baby!

Since I posted a Baby Emma photo I thought it only fitting to post some of Calvin. How cute was this kid? Is this kid? I have the most beautiful children, honestly. Nick read somewhere and I have heard it too, that kids born with one parent of Asian descent are the most adorable. And see? My children are living proof of that!

Calvin was just such a peeny little guy and I just want to eat him up in these pictures. I think this was Cal's first time at the zoo.

I miss those days! I am so excited that I will be staying home so hopefully I will be able to savor them even more!

I'm a Proud Mommy

Look at this chubby little bunny of mine! I can barely remember Emma being this small! But she was and was the best. I love her so much and now she is an adorable 3 year old who I could not be prouder of!

We had her parent-teacher conference at her school and she is in the top of her class! She knows all of her uppercase letters, almost all of her lower case letters, and can count to 13. I love her so much! I especially enjoyed hearing how much the teachers like her. They just went on and on about what a joy she is and how funny she is and how she gets so excited when telling stories.

I just love Em so much and am so proud of her and how smart she is! I am so lucky to be her Mommy!

For the Love of God Just Trust in the Lord

When I gave my notice at work (13 more days to work by the way) I felt confident and had faith in God that we are going to be okay. We really feel I am supposed to be at home. The timing really fits within our family and other aspects.

Yet here I am having doubt. To be honest I have had doubt almost every day. I think of something I hadn't thought of before (or to be honest HAD thought of when planning all of this but haven't thought of it in a while so forgot I had thought of it...yes I know I'm pathetic) and start having a mini-panic attack. I think "has Nick thought of this? If he hasn't, does he still want me to quit work? Could I get my job back? What are we going to do if this doesn't work, what, what?" Yes please try to keep the giggling to a minimum at what a GIGANTIC spaz I am.

I know that God is watching out for us. We have savings and we should be okay. My little sidenote here is that I think us having savings at this point is somewhat incredible after the last 5 months we've been through. Still I fail to see the big picture of how God provides. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

So I get out my excel budget and I type away on the numbers. Have I mentioned we still have not gotten a Nick pay check? Yes I did in fact quit my job without knowing the exact amount of take home pay my husband will have. Maybe that is a stressor here. Because this is SOOOO not like me. I think once I see that paycheck and can do the math and figure it out, then I will feel better.

But why don't I feel at least settled now? Why can't I see that God has had His hand in this thing the whole time? Why do I rely on things like "if I could just talk to Nick about this RIGHT this second" or "if I can just plug in the numbers and see that we are going to be okay"? Why do I do that? Why don't I rely on this HUGE God who loves me, who created the universe, who has storehouses of snow, yet knows how many hairs I have on my head (and how many of those have gone gray)? Why don't I?

Because I am human. Because I like having control. Even if its the power over my emotions. I can choose to freak out if I don't have faith.

So I am putting the freaking-out-pack on the shelf. School's out and I just don't need it anymore. I've got God watching my back. After all He gave me two ovaries so if things get really bad we've got SOMETHING to sell on the black market! :)

Summoning my Housewife Energies

Today I am needing to summon all of my housewife energies. I have been so sick these past few days and am finally starting to feel that I am on the mend. Before this Nick was asking me if I needed him to take me to the hospital because I was just not improving at all!

So today I am needing to play some catch up. I am determined to get our house back into order and get us all feeling like we are back up and running. I am making green beans, meatloaf, and mashed potatoes for dinner. We are going to be on a schedule all day, and by golly I am going to get the laundry done and put away.

What are you trying to accomplish today?

Beautiful Girl

I don't know what happened but somehow my chubby, adorable little baby has turned into this adorable little girl. Isn't she just the cutest little thing you've ever seen? Oh my goodness I want to just eat her up. She is so cute. and smart. and funny. Lately everything is her motto. I don't think she knows what motto means but everything is one to her. I'll say "can you please get up at the table for dinner?" and she'll say "get up to the table, that's my motto!" So stinking cute. I am loving being the Mommy to this little girl. She is funny and quirky and just perfect! Mommy loves you baby girl!

The Beginning

Match.com has had these commercials asking "what is your beginning?" and I love thinking of our beginning. I don't tell many people because it is a somewhat complex story. There was no story of how we reached for the same breadstick in the cafeteria line and we knew we were meant to be. But our story is us. Its sticky and complex. Its funny and quirky. Its a story that is funny. Its a story where we should never have even been remotely in the same place...but God made it work.

I think all of those things basically describe us. And our marriage.

Nick said I dwell too much in the past. He thinks that because I love our beginning so much that I must not be happy with the now. Which totally is not true. I love our now. I have loved every single moment. But the beginning is fun because I remember how I felt when I first laid eyes on that man. How we would stay up for hours in the cafeteria talking. How he kissed me on the cheek when he left one time. How I felt butterflies for him. How I still do.

So those things are what I remember of our beginning. What is best about your beginning?

So sexy

This is one of my favorite pictures. We were on vacation when Cal conked out on Nick during an exciting round of miniature golf. There is nothing sexier than a cute tan husband holding my precious little boy. Boy howdy what a lucky girl I am. Did I mention this is the same hottie that is doing everything he has to to make sure I can stay at home? How on Earth did I get so lucky?

I gave notice

I went to work today and gave notice! I am so super excited! February 12th will be my last day at work and then I will be a Stay at Home Mommy! I think one of the things I am most excited about is that a girl at work told me I remind her of Laura Petrie from the Dick VanDyke show...how cute is that?

So thank you everyone for your prayers. We feel like we need to do this for our family whether it makes sense financially or not. We know we can make ends meet and we are simply hoping that we will be able to do more than simply make ends meet.

Have a great day! :)

Always clean up after yourself

Last night I couldn't sleep so I decided to treat myself to a bath. Ahhhh. I mixed in some lavendar salts I have that have lavendar blossoms mixed in. As wonderful as they are they do make quite a mess in the tub. Well when the bath was over I was sleepy so I decided to clean the tub in the morning.

What I didn't expect to wake up to was Calvin throwing up in the middle of the night and needing a bath. Bleary eyed I tried to keep all of the little twig thingys off him. Nick came in the bathroom and said "what the heck is that?" I guess this goes to show you should always clean up after yourself because you never know what is going to happen.

Calvin threw up 3 more times after that. I think I have washed every blanket, pillow, and pajama that our little house stores. Thankfully he fell asleep about 4 am and woke up at 7 seeming okay sans not wanting to eat. My poor little guy who can't talk had an especially difficult time trying to tell me he was going to be sick.

So anyway, I am going to take a nap right now.... :)

I could use some prayer

Please be praying for me. Tonight is Sunday and tomorrow I have the day off. We are pretty positive that I will be putting my notice in at work when I return on Tuesday. Things around here have been kind of bad. When we thought the only way Nick would return to work was to move, Nick promised Emma that when he went back to work Mommy would get to stay home. Because that isn't true (yet) Emma has cried every night, woken up in the middle of the night begging me to stay home, and even woken up when I am leaving to try to get me to stay home.

Friday was my breaking point. I had a realization at work between looking at my agenda and calling our hospital that I was going to need time off. Time off I was pretty darn sure I wasn't going to get. When I got home I came to two notes from Emma's preschool. One being that our parent-teacher conference was in the morning in a week and she was having a field trip. Two more things probably not going to get time off for.

On top of that when I called the hospital to find out about Calvin's appointment, they wanted me to start setting up his occupational therapy appointments. And I couldn't. I didn't know when I was available and when Nick was available and on and on. I mean, I am putting off Calvin developing because of this stupid, stupid job. I am sick of it. I don't make enough for this to be worth it. I am missing out on my children's childhoods and those are things that will never, ever be back once they are gone.

And so I beg you for prayer. I want to make sure I am doing God's will. Gosh it feels like it but I want to be sure, you know? Please pray. please comment with your opinions, I could use them. And a huge thank you in advance! :)

My man

I don't know if I have ever posted this picture or not but this is my favorite picture of Nick. What a hottie! I am so lucky and blessed to be the woman at his side. Yesterday as a recap to the chewing post. I sent him a nice text message at work describing how I would kill him if he chewed. Some people would take that the wrong way and get their back up but not my man. He gets me. We had a nice evening last night as a family except for the fact that we are all sick, I think I want to die sick, Emma kind of freaked out screaming, and I had to make a last minute run to Target. Other than that we were doing great.

Speaking of the great Emma freak out of 2010 please keep Emma in your prayers. She has been really, really upset that I am still having to work. And while it is very much a short term goal for me to be able to quit work, we just aren't there yet. Try explaining that to a 3 year old and you'll have another screaming fit I am sure.

Anyway its been a harrowing week in our hoursehold and it will be so nice to have us all home and cuddling up on the couch. Happy Friday!

You Give Me Fever

Since my tiny little baby has turned two geesh how I have had some baby fever. Errr that is frustrating! I love the baby smell and the baby feel and the baby nuzzle. But then I guess I can remember how I don't miss the having to lug 25 pounds of gear every single place I went. I think of how tiring the days were after being up all night long scared to death the they wouldn't make it through the night with their little coughs and raspy breaths. I think of how awful I felt after my c-section...how I felt I was going to die right then and there. I think back to had I had zero time, scratch that and make that a negative amount of time, to get anything done...showering, cleaning, talking, thinking, sleeping, eating, working out, laundry, anything.

Once I think of those things then the fever of baby want seems to be reduced and I can look around and be happy for the way things are. I am happy I still have a little boy that loves to snuggle into me. He is all to eager to offer a chubby little cheek for kisses and I can still get both of my children to giggle with even the most gentle tickling.

Chew

So after listening to a about a half hour story of why I should let my husband begin chewing again (tobacco, not food as he always does that)...I am here to say that it is not allowed. I seriously almost dumped him when we first started dating because he lied to me about this...and here we are back at it. I see we've come first circle, great. He says hes stressed so he needs to. Here are a list of things you can resort to when you are stressed that will not cause me to divorce you:

Chocolate
A hot bath
a massage
SEX
a glass of wine
talking to your wife
exercise
talking to your wife
friends
having a pet
having a hobby
talking to your wife
counting your blessings
talking to your wife

I think I have proven my point that there are other things that will alleviate stress other than chewing, which is gross and nasty. If I wanted gross and nasty I would have married that boy in the 5th grade that would pick his nose and wipe it on the side of the bus...ew and gross.

Thank you and good night!

6:19 in the am

Yes that is what time it is. I have laundry folded, bed made, house tidied, lunch made, dinner planned, workout done, and am now ready to go to work. Dragging my ugly old self out of bed at 4 am is nearly impossible but when it happens its amazing how much better I feel during the day simply because of all I accomplished.

Emma is sick today, please be praying for her. She woke up all through the night begging me to hold her. How can you say no to that? So I would scoop her up and rock her and rock her. Once she looked asleep so I stopped rocking. That's when she looked up at me and asked "are you EVER going to put me back in bed or what?" ah what a moment!

She is such an angel. Last night I was explaining to her that God designed her and made her just perfect. Her response? "I'm a bad girl, I'm not perfect, I have such a bad attitude". I think in trying to correct her in things we have made her feel like this, and I feel like such a bad Mommy! So things will definitely be changing around here, starting now. If you walked around feeling like a bad girl how could you help it but to not have a bad attitude?

Well that is it for now. Off to walk the dog. Hopefully all coyotes or wolves or vampires are hibernating. Yikes. Have a good day!

Tuesday

Well here it is Tuesday already. Can I please tell you how much I HATE my job? There I said it. Ah, that feels better.
For the love of all things that are holy can I PLEASE just stay home with these precious little babies? I just wish it were possible. We have a goal of that being possible in approximately 3 1/2 months but if in fact that can really happen is anyone's guess. I guess we will just have to wait and see. I just wish I KNEW, you know? I think just being able to know that there is an end in sight, a light at the end of the tunnel, a ray of sunshine, I think just knowing that would make things so much more bearable for me. Instead the unknown weighs me down like a snow storm coming to unfurl all its got on me...oh great.
Nick has started 12 hour days. I can't remember if I told you this or not (and frankly am too lazy to look it up right now) but he eventually will be working 12 hour days on 3rd shift...doesn't that sound like a jolly good time? However right now he is working 12 hour days monday through friday until he gets through training.
He said its boring. I hate not talking to him. I feel lonely and depleted. He's my other half. It would be like if you had to duct tape your left arm behind you for 12 hours...I mean it would just suck.
Anyway, I guess the day went well yesterday...it was only his first day so I am trying not to judge. After all everyone's first days suck, right? But I didn't get to see him due to scheduling conflicts until well past 6:30 and even then it felt more utilitarian than anything. Here's your dinner, go walk the dog, lets go to bed.
I am hoping this is not going to be life as we now know it. It can't be, can it? Please someone out there in the wide, wide world of sports please tell me that its not.
In other news I over slept today and awoke with something seriously stuck in my hair. I still have not deciphered what it was. I didn't wash my hair today because of the running late...I'm not ashamed to say it. I pulled the hair that takes 2 hours to style into a ponytail to hide the mattedness of it...later I cut the mattedness out in a storage room and kept the hair in my pocket for further analysis...again not ashamed. The only thing I can figure out is I slept drove to the store, purchased some blue frosting, ate blue frosting, and then smeared said frosting all over the under part of the back of my head. I then turned off my alarm and went back to sleep, where I managed to over sleep until 30 minutes before work began. Plausable, right?
Well I think that is it for now. I think my other number one question right now would be why in God's name doesn't Emma EVER wake up right from a nap? Its either with screaming "I'M AWAKE!" or she is catapulting something out of her bed in order to smack one wall or another. Ah, joy, off to see what she threw today.

Happy Sunday!

Hope you all are having a great Sunday! We so enjoyed having friends and family over yesterday for Cal's party. Today we have enjoyed one another's company and the sun. Hope you are enjoying this Lord's Day as much as we are!

My Day

Praise the Lord, its sunny outside! That always helps to boost your spirits doesn't it? How are things in your neck of the woods? Things here are going great. I am finishing up work and everything for Cal's Birthday party. I think the whole thing of getting the house ready is a little more complicated because we haven't gotten all of the Christmas decorations put away. So we are stumbling over boxes while cleaning while putting things away.
I have to tell you guys, I wore my Woolrich vest today with a scarf around my throat. I feel very tre chic today. Amazing how scarves can make you feel pulled together, isn't it?
Nick and I had one of the worst days ever. We were at one anothers throats from about 5:15 in the morning on. But we went to bed together and happy and that is all I can ask for as a wife. Amazing that God gives us do overs, isn't it? I wish Nick could give me one because I sure screwed up yesterday.
Well that is about it that is on my mind. Hope you all are having a good one. Just remember to give a thanks to the one who gave us this sunshine.

Happy Birthday Little Man

Yesterday was Cal's 2nd Birthday. I am sitting here feeling kind of sad even though it was such a joyous day. I no longer have any babies. I am now the mother of two preschoolers. Two precious preschoolers which I am so blessed to have.
I am also so happy that he made it to Two! Falls down the stairs, seizures, neurological disorders, fingers getting slammed in the door, falling off the porch headfirst into a pile of snow...he made it through all of these things. We didn't kill him!
And just look at his picture. He is the happiest little boy. He smiles for everyone. He is so sweet and kind. He has a huge heart. He is a genius! I just love this kid.
So Happy Birthday my little prince. I love you so much.

So long tree

We undecorated the Christmas tree this afternoon and now it is sitting alone out on the curb. I hate undecorating the house. It always reminds me that Christmas is over and that sucks! This was the first Christmas that we all could enjoy and now it is over. I know, I know I am being silly. But it is over and again...sucksville.
However I am super excited that I got a kicking deal on some Christmas gifts for next year and that has gotten the ball rolling for me thinking of other things that I could get people.
Plus I found a super cute sweater turleneck for only $5.00. Can't beat being super cute for 5 bucks, right? Let's see what else happened today. Calvin was super snuggly on his way home from the car and I just ate it up. After all I was making an apple pie at this EXACT time two years ago (time is 8:31) when I went into labor. Don't worry...Nick made sure I had the pie done and in the oven before he would take me to the hospital. Heehee. Don't you just love him?
My new slippers came and I love them! My new shoes came and were too big but my sexy knee length, long sleeved nightgown came and I heart that thing to death. So good day. How about you?

Simplicity

As I was putting groceries away last evening I had to stop and marvel at some things: the way an avocado feels so firm in my hand and then eases so gently when its ripe. the shape of a mushroom, the smell of strawberries.
I think sometimes I am moving so quickly that I forget to notice and to thank God for the beauty in even the simple things. I need to focus more on the simplicity of everything rather than wanting more and better things.
Make sure you stop and enjoy the simple things in your life. Here are some of the simple things right now I am thankful for:
Nick's smile when I kiss him goodbye
The soft breath of Calvin and Emma on my cheek when I check on them at night.
The smell of strawberries (again I know, but I can't get over it)
The peacefulnes that a snowfall brings

What are the simple things you are thankful for?

A Week in Pictures

Here's the way this last week looked.

We did a little sledding at our neighborhood hill, which I LOVE: As you can see they loved to sled. Then we went to Lowes. What do you do when you're bored with Lowes? You're silly of course!
And maybe a little contemplative of if your family MIGHT have gone off the deep end. Especially when you look in the rearview mirror to see....


'Sup?
And then there's our little diva, Miss Kazoo

Also we are not really keeping Gingerbread house kind of people...
We also like to play dress up althought to Aunt Jan's chagrin, this is no dress...
I have no idea what in the world is going on here. Do I even try to ask?


So that's us in a nutshell. Enjoy!

Julie/Julia

Have you seen this movie? Cute. As much as I would love to cook 584 recipes in one year I know before even starting out that this would never be able to happen. That is unless I completely shirked my responsibilities at home and forgot which kids were mine. But alas I am not up to the challenge. The movie did however inspire me to do something I have been wanting to do for a long, long time.

I am going to read "The joy of cooking" from the front cover to the back. A dear friend of mine gave me this cookbook as a wedding gift and ever since it has enticed me ever time I open it. There is history on food, how to properly set a table, and all kinds of other things. I feel like I will be a better cook and a better person after I have read this book.

I have also been inspired to create a kitchen I love. I am just not feeling my kitchen cabinets lately. So Nick and I talked and we are going to paint them. I lovely creamy ivory which I think will look great with some new hardware. The kitchen is the place I am the most. Why not make everything beautiul?

Someone once told me when we first married to not have anything in your house that doesn't bring you joy. How true is that? So that is what I am striving for. And I think I will start in the kitchen.

2010

The first Monday of the year. These past three days have simply been tied into the holiday season and to me this is it...the first day of the new year. Things have started pretty much as planned. I awoke at 4 am to work out and was extremely proud of myself. I also woke up at approximately 1:58 to pee and then had an Emma talking in her sleep to contend with. But I woke up for sure at 4, worked out and made breakfast for myself. A healthy peek-a-boo egg which would have been healthy had I not burned every nutrient out of it possible. But I ate it anyway despite the health risks involved. I ate it on this lovely plate I have which is a set of 4 and each has a Victorian home on it. Ah, how I love those. And of course my coffee cup which is embarrassing that it is a promotional product for the area airport that Nicholas received at his former job. But I digree and now sit happily here wasting time away in the wee hours of the morning, with a full tummy and ears full of Emma apparently still talking in her sleep.

This past weekend was one of the best ones in my life. You see Nicholas had promised me a vacation when he became reemployed. Super exciting. However going from spending virtually nothing to hundreds of dollars on a vacation for just him and I seemed somewhat of a culture shock to me. So I suggested a staycation. Nick's mom took the kids and had them overnight. This was also the first time they have ever stayed over anywhere without us so we figured it was a good time to do it since we were in town if needed. Anyway, Friday we dropped the children off and then did shopping. We didn't go crazy or anything but my how good it felt to purchase something I liked. Wow. Some good deals I found were that we used a coupon at Old Navy and managed to get Nick two shirts, and for me a sweater and a sleep mask and we paid $3.58. Not bad. I also got a silver serving platter for a steal and a 3-pack of curling irons for $8.00....oh how we scored!

We went to Olive Garden for lunch which was the best meal I've had in a long time. Had a wine there, a Moscato, that I now heart and want to bathe in. But they don't sell it along here so alas, I guess I won't. :( At night we did some more shopping and then went to a cute renovated theater and saw "It's Complicated" in which I threatened Nick with death if he ever cheated on me after 20 years. I think I said something like "I know people throw around I would kill you, but seriously if you did that...I WOULD KILL YOU. I mean you'd better run." heehee. Then we got to do something we have not done since 2005. We slept in our house...alone...and we slept past 7:30. Wow. I had completely forgotten what it feels like to be rested. Geesh how spoiled am I now?

That morning we went back out for breakfast at Panera. Nick tried a souffle and LOVED it so I now have the green light to make those. Score! Super and unabashedly excited about that. Then we did some more shopping and just had a lovely time. Nick took me home and went to get the children. I cleaned to the sound of Pop's greatest hits and let me tell you I has THE best time cleaning. The children came home to a super clean home and a happy and rested Mommy.

That night we dined on Chinese food which the kids love! We rented Julie and Julia for when the children were asleep and we opened our last bottle of wine from our vacation last year. We were saving it for a special occassion. So opening it made it real that we are now employed again and everything seems right in the world. Besides I think being blissfully in love and better than before after this crisis we had been in...I think that is a cause for celebration in its own right, don't you?

Oh and I forgot...Saturday night we took the children to play in the snow. Oh how they loved it and how much fun we had being silly. I am so lucky to have these silly and wonderful children in my life. God has blessed me so far past my expectations.

So here's to a 2010 that is going to be amazing. I know because I serve a God who is, well...AMAZING!