Don't Pee in the Street

Today Emma called me at work to tell me that “it is unacceptable for children to pee in the street”. It is so adorable how she trips over unacceptable. She kept telling me this over and over until I was wondering why are you calling to tell me this? What did you do? Nick came on the phone to tell me that she saw a squirrel pee in the street and told him that it is unacceptable for children to pee in the street. So true. I was scared she had peed in the street and Nicholas was having her tell me.

I love having her call me and tell me these silly little things because its things like this that I miss when I am at work. We have some very creative kids. Emma says funny things and Calvin tries to stack dinosaurs on top of cows…seriously these kids are just too cute.

The Next Einstein

Calvin still isn't talking. We've been with our speech therapist who is wonderful and she has been having him do mouth exercises so he can now move his mouth to make the noises. The problem? He still is not communicating. He still doesn't know how to tell me what he wants. He still gets frustrated and punches people, hits his head into anything or anyone, breaks things, bites people, and throws things. I want my baby back. I want him to know I care what he wants, I want to help him, I just don't KNOW what he wants.
So we are back to Apraxia. Have I talked about this before? Apraxia is a neurological disorder in where he physically cannot figure out how to get the words out to say, please give me more crackers."
Monday our therapist told us two things: he's either incredibly stubborn or it's Apraxia. My heart hurts for my baby. Just imagine being in a party and being ignored most of the time. You have no way of telling anyone, "yes another cream puff would be delightful" or "no thank you, enough champagne for me". That must be his whole life. How freaking frustrating. No wonder we are punching walls.
She told us another thing that I was dreading...we have to sign to him. I don't know sign language. I know about as much sign language as Amish people know Mandarin Chinese...not very much.
All I can think is, what if this is his life? What if he can never speak? What if I am signing to him "smile for the camera" for graduation pictures?
I know I sound like a spaz, I know that everyone keeps telling me "he'll talk when he's ready", "he's just so little", "Einstein didn't talk till he was three" but the truth of the matter is I don't care. I want my baby to talk. I want to her "I love mama." As any mother feels, I would take his hurt and his frustration away in a New York minute. I would do that because it kills me and eats away at my heart when he's frustrated, or sad, or hurt, and can't tell me that. I don't even know when he's had a bad dream or when something scared him. His cry sounds the same for everything.
I know he'll probably talk at some point, but until that point comes all of this is painfully difficult. If he didn't have a problem I wouldn't have a team of therapists, and mountains of evaluations, and paperwork, and activities, and videos, and on and on.
Thanks for listening. I pray and cry every night that my little boy will one day be able to talk. Please pray the same.

Me

Some of you who read this know me like an old book (or is it shoe)? Anyway, some of you don't really know a lot about me, or perhaps you are just DYING to know more! So here's a little info on the girl you want to know:

I drink either a hot cocoa or a chai tea almost every night.

Cocoa must be made with TONS of marshmallows

Ina Garten is my current hero

I often times think I am the worst mother ever

I have no idea what my purpose in life is

I Heart Chunky Peanut Butter...Nick likes creamy so guess what I eat?

I secretly want a volvo wagon to complete the whole soccer mom look

Squirrels have always scared me...and now Racoons are topping that list! AHHHH!

I have a hard time transitioning and I hate Change

I only like thick crust pizza

I often time crave Diet Coke with a TON of ice

Eel is my favorite sushi...to which I have made Nick like...payback for the peanut butter I guess

Okay that's it for now...now you can write YOUR random things about you!

Silly Little Family

Mustaches. This is what happens when your kids are using watercolors and you let your husband supervise. Beware. :)

God's Signature

This morning during my walk with Lucy I came to a couple of houses where there was a big clearing in the trees and I could see the sky so clearly, which is pretty odd in the city. When I look at the sky I have to catch my breath...the sky is like seeing God's name written for the World to see. Isn't it amazing? We are so small and such a small picture of the gigantic Earth and Galaxy puzzle and yet looking at the sky makes me feel like God is hugging me. I mean after all, if God can keep the stars hanging in the sky and the Earth orbiting around the sun, surely He will provide for us. Surely he will see us through.

Best Brother In Law Ever

I must say I think I have the best brother in law ever! He saw a need and filled it. Nick and I have been so consumed with gloom and doom with the whole unemployment load on our shoulders. He is taking us to a Chicago Bears game with his amazing girlfrend Maggie! Isn't that amazing? Don't you just want to kiss him? Although this is super exciting to me, I KNOW it means so much to Nick. He's been watching our children every hour of every day and hasn't been out of the house so something for him will be great. Plus I think it will be really good for us to be able to have a little time away from the children.
In all ways God provides. Whether it be more money in your bank account than before (how did that happen?), an inspirational email from an editor, or a loving gesture from a brother, God provides for our spiritual, physical, and emotional needs.
Now Nick is busy growing a Ditka mustache...oh great! :) Did I mention we're excited?

Preschool's in Session!

Here's the big girl getting ready to get out of the car in preschool!
Here we are praying for Emma's first day of school...when we were done she asked us to pray for Calvin...isn't that just precious?

Here's our little girl by the car...she looks so tiny in this picture!

Emma Kazoo on her first day of preschool

Today was Emma's first day of preschool so our home was all abuzz with excitement! Emma didn't sleep much last night because she was nervous! She said she had such a good time and they let her play with bugs and they glued beans to their name. She seems to totally be into it now...yeah! Praise God she is adjusting well. I cannot believe I am a Mommy of a Preschooler though! Where has the time gone?

First day of Preschool!

Today is our first day of preschool! How exciting for Emma! I am sure I will be posting a TON of pictures later on. I know this is selfish but I am having a really hard time with Emma starting preschool. Especially because I cannot be at home. It's great that Nick gets to be home with the kids but it makes me have to sob uncontrollably to think that I am missing everything. I am not there to get her ready for her first day or to tell her its okay. I'm not there to do her hair or to tell her about when I went to preschool. Nick is picking me up so I can be there when we drop her off but I want to be there for everything! I would have made her pancakes shaped like pencils and other fun things for breakfast. But no! Stupid work! Stupid Nick losing his job so I can't be at home. Stupid, stupid.

Anyway, in case you haven't caught on, I tend to be mopey and whiney in the morning and then post a happier, cheerful post later on in the day. Not saying thats the rule since its my blog and I can do whatever I want.

So long Summer

This past weekend we were happy to bid adios to Summer. We attended a local festival in our area, stopped at the Farmers Market for some goodies, visited with family, and played in the sprinkler one last time! I had Nick bring down all of our Autumn decor from the attic so I am busy getting the house prepared.

One of my all time favorite things is lighting the twinkle lights around our house, lighting candles all around, and just relaxing...doesn't that sounds nice? Ahhhh. Autumn lets us do that. In the chill we all bundle up on the couch, pop some popcorn, and snuggle together watching Charlie Brown.

Here are some pics from our weekend...enjoy!

Here's Emma enjoying a yard of chocolate covered Strawberries with Aunt Jaime...thanks James!

Boiler up! Aren't the cute? Cal's turning into quite the little towhead!

Our last time in the water...sprinkler or otherwise...see you next year summer!

No Job

This weekend we received word that Nick didn't get the job he interviewed for. I've got to tell you, I was not a happy camper. Up to this point I've been pretty Polly Sunshine about all of this...God will provide, He has a plan, etc, etc. But when we got this news I, sad to say, turned on God. I think its the first time its ever happened but I was angry with God...really angry. Angry like if he was in front of me I would have kicked Him in the shin. All I could do was melt down and cry...I want my life back, I don't want to have to move, I don't want any of this. But being God, when I asked for forgiveness for the whole shin kicking thing, He forgave me. He understands my hurt and frustration. He knows I am only human.
I think one of the hardest things for me in this is that I am frustrated with not knowing what is going on. I hate that. HATE that.
My devotions this morning were about sometimes things happen so you can comfort others and have compassion for what they are going through. I think I will definitely be able to do that.
So that's me. I've had a whole gamut of emotions this weekend but thankfully am back to resting in God's faithfulness. Whew, its good to be home!

The Weekend is Here!

So excited for the weekend! When I work and Nick is at home it is really hard to be away, so I am especially glad I get to be home for three whole days! Here are some of the things I am WAY too excited for this three day weekend:

getting to sleep in tomorrow
The Farmer's Market tomorrow morning
Getting to hear Calvin say "mine" some more...yesterday was the first time he ever said it!
Doing nothing with Nick tonight after the kids are in bed...ah!
Yard work, I know I am a dork!
My afternoon facial today!

I know, I know, you are thinking how can you afford a facial when you guys are so down and out right now? But my spa had this special and I am getting one for free! Isn't that awesome? The Lord knew I needed some cheering up and here's an esthetician who's ready to do the job!
Have a safe and happy holiday weekend everyone!

Being Happy

Lately I am sure that all I've been talking about it gloom and doom...blah, blah. But we are still rejoicing in all that God has given us! First of all Nick and I are so grateful for our little ones. We have such a bond with them and we are trying our best to raise them in the best home possible, and to show them the most love from God and ourselves. Next we have our family. I don't know how we would make it through anything without them. We have one another. I couldn't imagine going through something like this when your marriage is on the rocks. On a daily basis we find ourselves holding the other person up, telling them everything is going to be okay. Lastly and most importantly we thank God for, well, God. Who would we cry to if He wasnt' there? If He didn't care? How lonely that must feel for people who don't have God in their lives! So we thank God for all that we have. And we smile and find joy in our everyday life.